Beauties & Beaties

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Date the Cheap Skate?

Recently on a radio show, a lady called in talking about her blind date. She and her date seemed to get along OK, and made their way to a nice steakhouse for dinner. Upon walking in, the guy proudly whipped out a 2 for 1 steak dinner COUPON. The woman was mortified, and there was NO second date. So, is using a coupon on a blind date so bad? Why or why not?

:P fuzzbox and The Weirdgirl gives us insight into this thrifty situation:

He Says: Mortified??? She should have been elated. It was a steak dinner for Christ's sake. It wasn't as if it was some two for one chili dog special at a hot dog stand. Now if the dinner salad was extra and he ordered one salad and requested an extra fork that might be cause for mortification. Otherwise sit there and enjoy a steak like a normal carniverous human being.

It boggles my mind that something that at one time was a supreme virtue has now become such a gross human foible. Thrift is not some major sin. It should be extolled for the great charector trait that it is. It sounds like he is saving his money (God forbid). Perhaps he is saving his money for his future, maybe a home or some other major investment that a potential mate would find in their best interest. Then again maybe he is saving his money for booze, porn, and prostitutes, which is a totally different thing. Nevertheless, either way he is showing that he is a man that can prioritize and that shows intelligence.

It is no wonder that she didn't get a second date. In her state of mortification that he hadn't had to sell the family heirlooms to take her out, I am sure her poor thriftworthy date had as much fun on the date as bagging skunks.

I do not know what the radio show host told her but my response to her query would be to get over yourself. Just because some poor schmuck doesn't squander his lifes savings to give you a princess vacation on a freaking blind date doesn't give you the right to make another person miserable for agreeing to go out with your ungrateful hide.

Come on, it was a free steak dinner that you probably picked over anyway, not wanting to appear like the cow that your attitude shows you are. Get over it!

She Says: Wrong, wrong, wrong. This obvious error is why the guy is only getting blind dates. It’s not about the money, it’s about first impressions.

Whipping out the coupon sends two possible messages:
Message #1: I’m cheap in general (= doubtful provider for your future children’s private school funds… and yes, girls think about this shit)
Message #2: I don’t mind buying myself dinner, but I ain’t wasting cash on you (= he’s inconsiderate and selfish and you’re not worthy)

Let’s not forget that this was a blind date. These people don’t know anything about each other except what their friends have told them (and let’s face it, their friends probably lied. I mean, if they’re getting hooked up by friends, there’s probably something wrong with them, otherwise they’d be getting the lovin’ on their own.) As any chick with a pair of “fat pants” in her closet can tell you, a certain intimacy needs to be present before you reveal particularly “telling” details about your life. Going dutch or going cheap is all well and good if you know the guy you’re going out with is between jobs, but you need to know the extenuating circumstances first or, at least, some of his endearing qualities. Most women will be more forgiving if they know their guy rescues crack-addicted puppies off the streets (good second date “info drop,” by the way) when he starts clipping his toenails or scratching his balls in front of them.

And since the goal of a blind date is finding eternal love (right?!), or even just getting some nookie, a good first impression is in the best interest for all concerned. Would you go to a job interview and complain about how often you get sick? No. So save the coupon until she gets to know you (- third date at least, but not if you think you’re gonna get laid that night. Better yet, save all coupons until after you sleep with her... and make sure she was “made happy”). You don’t have to kick down a ton of cash to get some booty but cheap doesn’t pave the road to it either, and you better be one charming son-of-a-bitch if you’re still living with your mother.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

What Women Want

What is the ideal man? It's an age-old question that still baffles many men. Exactly what are women looking for in the "perfect man?" Ben Heller and Kay give their opinions:

He Says: Men are redundant….or so we are led to believe. In this age of women’s liberation, scientific advancement and self sufficient consumerism, the age of man should be over.

The Woman now has the capability to run a house with all of its technological time saving devices, have a career, conceive without any physical interaction, and dare I say it, even find the means to artificially pleasure herself to the point of sexual satisfaction.

So why do men still thrive ? Herein lies the reason why women desperately need men and there is ONE single requirement and attribute for the “Ideal Man”..


Physical Strength. – We are an animal species, and our natural instincts for the survival of the fittest means that many women will choose the mate with the greatest physical attributes to protect both her and her offspring.
Emotional Strength – Chemical imbalances in females during the ovulation and menopausal cycles cause fluctuations in emotional responses. Males maintain a steady outlook throughout their lives and are required for emotional support and stability.
Decision and Leadership Strength – Women have an extremely complex thought and decision making process, and find “grey” areas in every response they are called to make. Men think less, and with a greater clarity, and therefore are able to make quicker decisions, which means that they gain the required Leadership control.

In conclusion, every woman is different. She may choose one or even all of these attributes depending on her own emotional requirements, but these 3 masculine advantages all have an influence when she chooses her “Ideal Man."

She Says: First, the ideal man must earn high scores in the “hubba-hubba” and “ha-ha” categories. However, individual standards for attractiveness and humor are variable and even inexplicable. As a result, there is a woman out there swooning for Carrot Top, dreaming of making sweet vegetable babies with him on their dining room table. Terrifying but true, folks.

Notably, most women also want a guy who is a “guy.” This doesn’t necessarily mean a scratching-his-nuts-on-the-sofa and watching football “guy” or a saving the damsel in distress “guy,” though each of these have their charms. Instead, he gets high regard for that special something about him that is strong and different from a woman, including a solidly serviceable penis and/or tongue. Again, tastes vary from person to person. Lastly, kindness and a nice booty also make for an ideal man as well. Especially the booty.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Commanderess In Chief?

Philippines' Corazon Aquino, Ireland's Mary Robinson and now President-Elect Michelle Bachelet Jeria of Chile. Many countries have had female presidents. When will the United States be led by a woman...if ever? Would a woman make an effective president?

Fellow bloggers Dave Amulet and Jane tackle this controversial question.

He Says: This is a trick question, because DNA evidence has revealed that Warren G. Harding was, in fact, female--and thus our first woman president. As for the future, men accept that we probably will have a female president by 2020. Contrary to popular speculation, however, it will not be Condoleezza Rice--who looks eerily like an African-American cousin of Child's Play Chucky--or Senator Hilary Rodham Clinton--who looks eerily like former First Lady Hilary Rodham Clinton.

There is no doubt that a woman commander-in-chief could be effective, at least during those late-night "foreign relations" conferences. You know what I mean: those private meetings, lasting until the break of dawn, with hotties like former Ukrainian prime minister Yuliya Tymoshenko and heir presumptive to the throne in Monaco ... sessions that lead to lingerie-clad pillow fights, tender caresses, and plans for summits on the Greek isle of Lesbos ...

(Note to Secret Service: Go ahead and start installing that live-feed Lincoln Bedroom Web cam. Thanks, guys.)

She Says: Of course a woman could be president. And she probably wouldn’t be philandering or sampling cigars with her interns either. But it would have to be the perfect woman candidate. She’d have to be attractive, smart, probably in her thirties and in her sexual prime so that she would know how to use her sexuality to manipulate men.

Can’t you just imagine all those world leaders and foreign ambassadors crumbling at the peak of a lace camisole from beneath Madame President’s power suit? Or if she dropped her important papers at some NATO meeting and had to bend over suggestively to pick them up? She could get away with anything. And then she could say things like “Oh my! When you gave our country $20 billion were we supposed to pay it back?!” and then giggle coyly and flip her hair. It would be awesome. We could dominate the world. Wait, we already DO dominate the world. Well, perhaps we could dominate alien nations then.

Seriously, women – especially mothers would make an excellent and effective President of the United States. As a mom, your job 24 hours a day is convincing tiny nations to do what you want them to do, whilst making it seem like it was their idea in the first place. We are excellent multi-taskers, world class negotiators who constantly work in a high stress environment. I think a female leader would also incorporate a level of compassion that our country hasn’t seen yet.

Gotta go. I have some campaign fundraising to do…

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Ladies - Beauty Vs. the Beast Needs You!

We'd like to invite other bloggers to participate in Beauty vs. the Beast. The Phoenix has a post up looking for volunteers, but we have a real shortage in the Beauty department. So come on, ladies!
Leave a comment if you're interested, and Phoenix or I will get back to you with all the details.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Snips, Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

What are little boys made of? The question we pose today: Is it OK for boys to play with toys that are associated with girls? Would you let your son play with a doll? What are the implications?

He Says: Grab a G.I. Joe or a giant Tonka truck and set that in front of him right away! You want to allow your son to live out his nurturing side? Buy him a puppy. Better yet, buy him a snake. Even better yet, buy him an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred Shot Range Model Air Rifle. Do you want your son carrying around a Bratz doll at soccer practice? Imagine the ridicule your kid is going to have to endure. If he insists on buying a doll, you might have to just give in. But you should make some minor modifications to it including: drawing scars on its face, giving it a toy submachine gun or sword, and replacing the pink PJs with camoflauge. Better yet, just get him the damn G.I. Joe and never speak of getting a doll ever again.

She Says: There's nothing wrong with letting a boy play with toys that are associated with girls (unless it's Mommy's toys she keeps hidden in the dresser). C'mon guys! I never understood why this was such a huge ordeal; like a toy is going to emasculate your son in some way. So what if he wants to play with a doll. Maybe he's checking out Barbie's boobs. Maybe he's learning how to nurture and be a care-giver, now there's a concept. Playing with girls' toys will not scar him for life; that's what parents are for.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Do These Pants Make My Butt Look Big?

Once the words are uttered, there's no going back. You're at the crossroads. In these instances, is it better to lie or tell the truth? Why do women ask these questions? What do they want?

He Says: Your answer depends on what you want: A happy relationship or a death spiral into the dark abyss. There are some inexperienced men that believe watching Oprah has taught them all they need to know about handling the "fairer sex." Oh, so wrong, brother. All honesty has brough upon the male species is heartache, lonliness, and sleeping on the couch watching "Skinemax." I don't care if her ass is as big as the Titanic, you tell her she looks great. This is a test, she wants to know if you'll lie in order to make her happy. Remember...honesty will get you only one thing when it comes to dealing with the female and her body image: forced abstinence.

She Says: Lie. Lie, lie, lie. Lie like there's no tomorrow. Even if she's splitting the seams, tell her "No". Women aren't really looking for your opinion, anyway. It's no secret women worry about their appearance; what she needs from you men is just the affirmation that you still find her attractive. So, in the cases where her butt most definitely looks big, it's ok to lie. Just remember, statistically, she will outlive you. This means her fat ass will be changing your Depends.