Beauties & Beaties

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Commanderess In Chief?

Philippines' Corazon Aquino, Ireland's Mary Robinson and now President-Elect Michelle Bachelet Jeria of Chile. Many countries have had female presidents. When will the United States be led by a woman...if ever? Would a woman make an effective president?

Fellow bloggers Dave Amulet and Jane tackle this controversial question.


He Says: This is a trick question, because DNA evidence has revealed that Warren G. Harding was, in fact, female--and thus our first woman president. As for the future, men accept that we probably will have a female president by 2020. Contrary to popular speculation, however, it will not be Condoleezza Rice--who looks eerily like an African-American cousin of Child's Play Chucky--or Senator Hilary Rodham Clinton--who looks eerily like former First Lady Hilary Rodham Clinton.




There is no doubt that a woman commander-in-chief could be effective, at least during those late-night "foreign relations" conferences. You know what I mean: those private meetings, lasting until the break of dawn, with hotties like former Ukrainian prime minister Yuliya Tymoshenko and heir presumptive to the throne in Monaco ... sessions that lead to lingerie-clad pillow fights, tender caresses, and plans for summits on the Greek isle of Lesbos ...

(Note to Secret Service: Go ahead and start installing that live-feed Lincoln Bedroom Web cam. Thanks, guys.)



She Says: Of course a woman could be president. And she probably wouldn’t be philandering or sampling cigars with her interns either. But it would have to be the perfect woman candidate. She’d have to be attractive, smart, probably in her thirties and in her sexual prime so that she would know how to use her sexuality to manipulate men.



Can’t you just imagine all those world leaders and foreign ambassadors crumbling at the peak of a lace camisole from beneath Madame President’s power suit? Or if she dropped her important papers at some NATO meeting and had to bend over suggestively to pick them up? She could get away with anything. And then she could say things like “Oh my! When you gave our country $20 billion were we supposed to pay it back?!” and then giggle coyly and flip her hair. It would be awesome. We could dominate the world. Wait, we already DO dominate the world. Well, perhaps we could dominate alien nations then.

Seriously, women – especially mothers would make an excellent and effective President of the United States. As a mom, your job 24 hours a day is convincing tiny nations to do what you want them to do, whilst making it seem like it was their idea in the first place. We are excellent multi-taskers, world class negotiators who constantly work in a high stress environment. I think a female leader would also incorporate a level of compassion that our country hasn’t seen yet.

Gotta go. I have some campaign fundraising to do…

28 Comments:

Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Both sides did a great job! I see that both think that a female President should be a little slutty. You know, for the sake of the country. If she's ugly as a mud fence, then this approach won't work, and she'll have to resort to actually doing a bit of thinking and problem solving. PMS would come into play too. The whole world would be speculating about her cycle. What fun THAT would be!

5:39 PM  
Blogger siren said...

Wow! Great job Dave and Jane.

I would volunteer to work on Jane's campaign :)

5:53 PM  
Blogger Keshi said...

very interesting debate :)


**that lead to lingerie-clad
pillow fights, tender caresses,

ROFL!




**all those world leaders and foreign ambassadors crumbling at the peak of a lace camisole from beneath Madame President’s power suit?

hahahaha good one!



Evn tho Im a woman, I personally think that PMS would hinder many conferences and drastically affect many decisions lol...so I'd rather have a male president just so that the country dun suffer PMS effects lol!


Keshi.

6:40 PM  
Blogger :P fuzzbox said...

With the age thing as far as being pres wouldn't we have to worry more about menapause than we would PMS. That opens up a totally different can of worms. Hot flashes at 10, Bombs away at 10:15. Mid-Life Crises reprobates like Bubba Clinton we have learned to handle but the thought of President Hillary missing her hormone therepy is a tad bit scarier.

7:09 PM  
Blogger Ben Heller said...

There will be a female President in the very near future, and I guess the world will be better for it.

As Elayne Boosler said,

"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping.

Men invade another country."

9:38 PM  
Blogger Bruce said...

I nominate Elayne Boosler for President...

9:42 PM  
Blogger David Amulet said...

Note: Former Ukrainian PM Yuliya is indeed pictured on the left; the beautiful young woman on the right is Charlotte Casiraghi, who is an heir presumptive to the throne of Monaco. Just thought you all should know.

It sounds like Jane's archtype of the female US president would play along just fine with my plan. I do worry about the binge shopping aspect that Ben copied from Elayne Boosler--when a US commander-in-chief goes "shopping," we end up with Alaska ... or Iraq.

-- david

2:58 AM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

You thought MEN presidents were slow to withdraw?

5:49 AM  
Blogger Anna said...

Obviously a woman could run a country. Why would having a vagina instead of a penis have anything to do with how one leads? What a strange concept.

6:10 AM  
Blogger Laurie said...

Janey - we could get you ready in time for '08 :-)

6:40 AM  
Blogger Laura:) said...

I am with Anna, I don't think it should matter if they have a penis or not.

I was highly disappointed with both sides. They both talked about how good looking the women had to be. I know this isn't a serious blog but I would like to have read a REAL point.

7:03 AM  
Blogger KC said...

Hilary or Madeline for President. Either / Or.

8:57 AM  
Blogger Dear Jane said...

to address Laura and Anna...OBVIOUSLY the gender of the candidate does not matter...education, qualifications and life experience do. This is not a political commentary, nor a serious blog for politics. The entire things is tongue in cheek and meant to be humorous...

10:29 AM  
Blogger Laura:) said...

Jane, I understand. It is just already unfair that television has fat ugly men with beautiful thin women. I was hoping the "she said" section wouldn't have seem so much like the "he said".

I am fully aware,though, that it is humorous and I don't take it seriously. Just as I hope you don't take my comment offensively.

2:43 PM  
Blogger David Amulet said...

What Jane said. Except with more belching and crotch scratching.

-- david

4:33 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

I think our lady prez should be smokin' hot...since we don't get enough smokin' hot women in newspapers, magazines, and television.

We need to bring some estrogen filled hotness to the Oval Office.

What would we call her husband? The First Man? The First Gentleman? The First Ball and Chain?

4:41 PM  
Blogger mckay said...

maybe we can get one of the spice girls..

4:54 PM  
Blogger Dear Jane said...

Perhaps it would be good if she were smokin' hot, so children could grow up knowing it is possible to have Brains and Beauty!

5:04 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

good job from both sides!

8:03 PM  
Blogger Crazy Dan said...

Most females want to run everything I can't think of one woman that has not tried to change her man. I am for less government I don't need any more bullshit laws taken away the freedoms I already have. So I am with Dave if we are going to have a female president I better get to see her nakid becuase that the only reason I would keep her in office.

9:19 PM  
Blogger Andie D. said...

I think both sides did a great job. I especially liked Jane's take. Any help you need with fundraising, let me know!

While I understand that this could be a serious discussion, I took it in the manner in which it was intended.

Thank you both - glad I found the site!

4:52 AM  
Blogger Eve said...

GO HILLARY!!!

7:32 AM  
Blogger Anna said...

Good point Laura! I thought the same thing. :)

10:25 AM  
Blogger Zen Wizard said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:48 PM  
Blogger Zen Wizard said...

Donna Versace reminds me of Bride of Chucky; i.e., she gives me "wood" and scares me at the same time, so notwithstanding that pesky "US Native" clause in the Constitution, she gets my vote.

(Oh, and that's my delete where I f*cked up the link up there...)

3:53 PM  
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