Beauties & Beaties

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Date the Cheap Skate?

Recently on a radio show, a lady called in talking about her blind date. She and her date seemed to get along OK, and made their way to a nice steakhouse for dinner. Upon walking in, the guy proudly whipped out a 2 for 1 steak dinner COUPON. The woman was mortified, and there was NO second date. So, is using a coupon on a blind date so bad? Why or why not?

:P fuzzbox and The Weirdgirl gives us insight into this thrifty situation:

He Says: Mortified??? She should have been elated. It was a steak dinner for Christ's sake. It wasn't as if it was some two for one chili dog special at a hot dog stand. Now if the dinner salad was extra and he ordered one salad and requested an extra fork that might be cause for mortification. Otherwise sit there and enjoy a steak like a normal carniverous human being.

It boggles my mind that something that at one time was a supreme virtue has now become such a gross human foible. Thrift is not some major sin. It should be extolled for the great charector trait that it is. It sounds like he is saving his money (God forbid). Perhaps he is saving his money for his future, maybe a home or some other major investment that a potential mate would find in their best interest. Then again maybe he is saving his money for booze, porn, and prostitutes, which is a totally different thing. Nevertheless, either way he is showing that he is a man that can prioritize and that shows intelligence.

It is no wonder that she didn't get a second date. In her state of mortification that he hadn't had to sell the family heirlooms to take her out, I am sure her poor thriftworthy date had as much fun on the date as bagging skunks.

I do not know what the radio show host told her but my response to her query would be to get over yourself. Just because some poor schmuck doesn't squander his lifes savings to give you a princess vacation on a freaking blind date doesn't give you the right to make another person miserable for agreeing to go out with your ungrateful hide.

Come on, it was a free steak dinner that you probably picked over anyway, not wanting to appear like the cow that your attitude shows you are. Get over it!


She Says: Wrong, wrong, wrong. This obvious error is why the guy is only getting blind dates. It’s not about the money, it’s about first impressions.

Whipping out the coupon sends two possible messages:
Message #1: I’m cheap in general (= doubtful provider for your future children’s private school funds… and yes, girls think about this shit)
Message #2: I don’t mind buying myself dinner, but I ain’t wasting cash on you (= he’s inconsiderate and selfish and you’re not worthy)

Let’s not forget that this was a blind date. These people don’t know anything about each other except what their friends have told them (and let’s face it, their friends probably lied. I mean, if they’re getting hooked up by friends, there’s probably something wrong with them, otherwise they’d be getting the lovin’ on their own.) As any chick with a pair of “fat pants” in her closet can tell you, a certain intimacy needs to be present before you reveal particularly “telling” details about your life. Going dutch or going cheap is all well and good if you know the guy you’re going out with is between jobs, but you need to know the extenuating circumstances first or, at least, some of his endearing qualities. Most women will be more forgiving if they know their guy rescues crack-addicted puppies off the streets (good second date “info drop,” by the way) when he starts clipping his toenails or scratching his balls in front of them.

And since the goal of a blind date is finding eternal love (right?!), or even just getting some nookie, a good first impression is in the best interest for all concerned. Would you go to a job interview and complain about how often you get sick? No. So save the coupon until she gets to know you (- third date at least, but not if you think you’re gonna get laid that night. Better yet, save all coupons until after you sleep with her... and make sure she was “made happy”). You don’t have to kick down a ton of cash to get some booty but cheap doesn’t pave the road to it either, and you better be one charming son-of-a-bitch if you’re still living with your mother.

43 Comments:

Blogger Laura:) said...

Wow! I really like this post because both sides proved their point very well.

First, I was with the guy cause I was like "Steak, sounds GREAT" regardless of the coupon. Plus, I usually go out with guys who are all about the "Value Meal".

But the girl side was well proven to. I have never been on a blind date so I would assume it would suck if you don't know some guy and he pulls out a coupon. She is right he should of just saved it for later. They could of even gone to a cheaper place and it wouldn't have been so obvious.

Again, I love this post:)

8:36 AM  
Blogger KC said...

I think that the first impression is important. I have to go with Beauty on this one, however, because the coupon thing makes me think that this guy doesn't have money to date. If he doesn't have money to date, then he should have said that they could go dutch. The coupon thing just doesn't play right on a first date.

9:06 AM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

You know...most guys that use coupons HAVE money to date. Think about it. Those that are thrifty are the ones usually with a lot of money. How do you think they were able to accumulate their moola?

If I were to use a coupon on a first date, I think I would use a little humor to sneak it in. I wouldn't whip it out and declare to my date that I've got "the golden ticket."

I think most women wouldn't grant a coupon boy a second date. They are looking to be impressed.

Great post Fuzz and Weirdgirl!

9:16 AM  
Blogger Ben Heller said...

I actually agree with Fuzzbox on this one.

How the meal is paid for matters little when one considers more important matters like compatability and attraction.

The guys' trying to find a partner, not buying a trophy.

She totally missed the point, and failed to measure whether her date was interesting, stimulating and attractive. By putting herself on the auctioneers pedestal she's going to end up with the one who pays most for her services.....and they'll both have nothing in common but an ability to parade around the paddock.

He'll feel half satisfied because he bought a stayer.
She'll be half satisfied because she's got the best feed and stables.

Girl you should be looking at HIM, not his wallet.

Phew !
Good post.

9:43 AM  
Blogger Mojotek said...

Damn it! I have to agree with the chick on this one! I'm definitely in agreement that the first impression is what's important here. If she gets to know you and realizes that you're working a very rewarding but very low paying job and can't afford steak very often, then using the coupon will probably earn you points.

On the flip side: After getting to know you, if she's the kind of girl who expects you to take her out to steak and lobster dinners even when you can't afford it, then kick that hussy to the curb. Let her be someone else's biatch.

10:33 AM  
Anonymous Tubawench said...

Love it! Both sides made good points, but I have to agree with Beauty. Thrift is good, but on a first date you don't take her to a steak restaurant and whip out a coupon. Go to an inexpensive, but nice place that you can afford (or are willing to pay for).

After she knows that you are saving puppies or planning for a home, family, etc., then it is okay to be more obvious about your frugal side.

But, on the other hand, if the coupon is the only thing that she did not like about the date (guy was nice, witty, good conversationalist, good kisser, etc.) and she still bolted, she may have missed out on a great guy.

11:38 AM  
Blogger siren said...

Great job, fuzz and weirdgirl. This was a terrific post!

I have to side with The Weirdgirl, though. Whipping out a coupon might be taken as "your not good enough for a full priced meal." Being frugal is a great quality, but there is also such a thing as tact.

Wonderful job - I hope you'll both come back and be B vs B guests.

4:14 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

Great job from Fuzz and Weirdgirl!

I could see each writer's postion, but I have to go with Beauty on this one.

First impressions are important.

Pop that coupon out on the 3rd or 4th date.....not the first one.

5:05 PM  
Blogger Willow said...

I wouldn't mind a coupon-whipper, on the condition that the coupon didn't specify what I was expected to eat. I wouldn't want to be put in the position of 1)having to eat either the exact same thing as my date, or 2)wanting to eat the same thing as my date, but the coupon is only valid if I get a cheaper meal. That would be the end of him. I probably wouldn't sit through the meal if a guy tried either of those options.

5:06 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

no real guy ever uses a coupon, anywhere, anytime, for anything, not ever, not if the survival of the planet depended upon it! that's the rule! if you are married and you have forgotten the rule, go buy a motorcycle while you still have some manhoodiness left!

if the woman stayed for the whole date, she upheld her part of the bargain and has some class.

10:42 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Both responses were very good.
I tend to agree a bit with each.

I think the guy should not have whipped out the coupon just as they entered the door. He should not have whipped it out at all.
He should have had her order what ever she wanted. Then, if she ordered a steak dinner, he would have ordered his "free" dinner, unbeknownest to her.
He could have discreetly given the waiter/waitress the coupon without his date ever knowing.

I'm a bargain shopper, so using a coupon is not an offensive thing to me, but I think that by getting the coupon out first thing, it would make the girl think she HAD to order a steak dinner, so he could use the dang thing.

Maybe she was in the mood for chicken, or maybe she's a vegeatarian.
And, God forbid, if she wanted to order dessert. What if he didn't have a coupon for a buy one get one free chocolate brownie sundae?.
Would he expect they order just one? Would he actually expect her to share chocolate?
Get real!!!

11:01 PM  
Blogger ziggystardust73 said...

what happens in same sex blind dates then?

although I guess that isn't an appropriate question in this particular blog...

regardless... I wouldn't have any problem with my date taking out a voucher. I personally would think of it as a good first impression... an ability to be careful with money... which over the long term, has to be a good thing?!

2:43 AM  
Blogger David Amulet said...

Great job from both sides. Especially Fuzz (I gotta stick up for the males here, ya know).

One way around this whole dilemma: Just prepare a nice dinner yourself. Of course, that requires cooking skills (which I largely lack) and a blind date willing to come over to your house alone ...

-- david

4:57 AM  
Blogger jane said...

Both sides made good points, but I agree with Fuzzbox. Weirdgirl says he has to get blind dates, well, so does she! So she's not all that & a bag of chips.
I think it's sad that in our society a man's worth is what sums up everything automatically with so many women. Why didn't she pay? If this was such a priority for her, my gosh, she should have insisted on going dutch being that she's such a self-sufficient woman.
I think the guy should be counting his lucky stars to have ditched this gold digger and FAST.
Funny that she still has issues & had to call the radio station. I bet he's so over it.

10:16 AM  
Blogger BrianAlt said...

I agree that it doesn't give a good first impression. I mean, that was the reason for the steak house in the first place, wasn't it? It begs some questions. First, what if she wanted to go someplace else? Would he have accomodated her? Second, why didn't she ask him about it?

This is where she falls short! If she cared about having a good date, why didn't she communicate to her date? Why didn't she ask him WHY? Why this place? Why the coupon? That way she could have heard from him his rationale. Perhaps he's a regular customer who was given the coupon based on his loyalty. Perhaps he's an ass that wants to "cheap out" on the date. If she doesn't ask she'll never know.

Did she stay and eat the steak? If so, why? It was bad that he used the coupon, but she'll take the steak anyway?

Bottom line, communication! If she didn't indicate it was a problem she's as at fault as he is.

10:28 AM  
Blogger Todd Tobin said...

You know, I'm noticing a trend here.

Men think differently than Women, no shock there. But the big difference is that the ladies tend to think off of an internalized set of rules that change from moment to moment (that they rarely tell anyone about), based off of their feelings at the moment, while Men tend to think of things in terms of logic and common sense.

Was is rather rude or lame to whip out the coupon? Yeah... but is it the coupon itself that drew her ire, or the fact that he displayed it up front?

He probably wasn't thinking about it as a bad thing and it just backfired on him as a egregious display of his low view of his date. When, if you think about it, if you view yourself in too high of manner, your friends tend to think of you as unlucky, rather than a snotty, self-centered shrew.

They're both probably better off... especially him

11:53 AM  
Blogger Big D said...

I enjoyed this post. I've got to side with the beauty sorry Fuzz. If you whip out a coupon don't expect to whip out anything else.

1:23 PM  
Blogger angel, jr. said...

My question is, what quality of steakhouse was it that offered coupons?
If you are going to do that kinda date, then just take her somewhere like Applebee's, the "neighborhood" restaurant.

1:27 PM  
Blogger Ann Alsex said...

Fuzz, as long as I don't get short changed between the sheets, you can use any coupon that you want. You were phunny. It seemed like the Weirdgirl took it way more serious than you did :D

1:54 PM  
Blogger Master - Baiter said...

I too, wonder..why are these people on a ''blind'' date???
If this gal is soooo worried about being formal... why doesn`t she have a steady boyfriend ??
Maybe she is tooooo demanding.
I guess she could be at home eating cold pizza.Alone.
She should enjoy the steak!!

3:07 PM  
Blogger cleveland said...

great debate guys. i have to side with the beauty on this one to and yeah it has everything to do with motive (what are you trying to do on this date) again kick ass guys rock on !!!!!!!!!!!

7:36 PM  
Blogger Dear Jane said...

great post guys. Both of you did an excellent job! But I have to agree with Fuzz on this one. A date should be about attraction and chemistry between the two people, not how much money is spent.

If she is mortified by the use of a coupon, then she is probably very shallow and more concerned with appearances and money, so he is better off not going on a 2nd date...

8:24 PM  
Blogger Crazy Dan said...

I am with Fuzz on this, she should be glad he paid at all. This is not the 50's its 2006, this guy was nicer then I would have been that bitch would have paid for my dinner and be glad I didn't cockslap her foe not making my meal.

9:14 PM  
Blogger Pixie said...

I agree with what Ben said, that she should be looking at him and not his wallet.

10:44 PM  
Blogger Denny Shane said...

OMG... am I glad I re-read this whole thing. I could have sworn the woman was going on a date with a blind guy and not a blind date...

It was amazing how it took on a whole new meaning! lol

6:39 AM  
Blogger Anelize said...

I'm in Fuzz's camp on this one. I'd probably give it sort of a passing thought, like..."well, that's cool, he may have a decent financial head on his shoulders."

Beats the guy who never has a dime in his wallet and asks YOU for a loan to get him to payday every week.

Uggg.

6:55 AM  
Blogger Ranea said...

I am with Fuzz, what a Bitch. Why should he shell out big bucks when there is no guarentee of dessert at the end of the date.

7:50 AM  
Blogger Shay said...

First impressions ARE important.

On one hand taking out a coupon is less classy, BUT it shows that he doesn't just throw his money around...

Still, maybe save it for 3rd or 4th date - first impressions are SO important.

OH!! Maybe it was his test!! If the girl can't deal with something small like that, then maybe he doesn't want to continue dating her.

I felt guilty going to expensive places for dates so maybe the coupon would have made me feel less guilty?

Ack! Apperantly I have no opinion! Except mmm I want a steak now.

12:40 PM  
Blogger Shay said...

MAYBE she's a vegetarian and didn't want the steak at all!

12:42 PM  
Blogger CT said...

"now I ain't saying she's a gold digga, but she aint messing with no broke nigga's"

Weirdgirl are you kidding me? That girl was a gold diggin ho!!! On a first date you should be worried about one thing: if you are compatible with that person... NOT HOW THEY PAID FOR YOUR FUCKING MEAL!!!! hell at least he paid for it you ungrateful HO!!!!

Why is it that so many women these days are only worried about the gold card, and not about personality, charm, and charisma? This is why there are so many failed marriages these days!!!

A girl I had went out on a first date with recently had asked me out, and she was paying, bc she asked me out... Well it turns out that I happened to have a buy one get one free entertainment coupon for the place we went to eat at... And she was so fucking happy I had it, was it bc she was paying? If so that's a fucking double standard...

If she would have gotten pissed if I had it bc I was paying I would have cockslaped her like crazy dan said...

Women (except Jane) WAKE UP!!! no wonder your gold diggin ass is single, lonely and depressed...

PS great job FUZZZ!!!!!

4:27 PM  
Blogger Laurie said...

Both of you made good points; I guess if I were the girl, I might be a little put-off by the coupon - but - if I had a great time with the guy and we "clicked", it wouldn't matter.

5:24 PM  
Blogger Vic said...

Good points on both sides. I have to side with fuzz though. If that was all that she based her decision on, she sounds pretty superficial. Maybe I missed this, but who asked who to dinner. Why was he expected to pay?

Course, if she'd offered to make dinner at her place he wouldn't have even needed the coupon - unless it was for free nookie after dinner. ;)

12:00 PM  
Blogger Metal Mark said...

Both sides had some good points. If I was in that situation I wouldn't use the coupon, but I wouldn't fault someone who did use it. Unless of course it was the last day that the coupon was valid then you have to use it.

12:30 PM  
Anonymous Tasa said...

I really wouldn't have a huge problem with someone using a coupon on our first date (keep in mind I am still young and stupid)I would give him a second chance, but I agree with beauty in saying he should have saved it for later =P (I mean really, my boyfriend takes me out to McDonalds and I'm happy with it because I love him ^^)

4:58 PM  
Blogger :P fuzzbox said...

I would like to thank everyone for commenting no matter their views. And thanks to phoenix and siren for letting me guest post. I hope that some bridges have been gapped. It seems to me that the concensus has been that the quality of a persons charector should be the deciding factor when judging a person on a first date and not the size of the wallet but tact should be exercised so that noone feels cheapened by their experience. That is how it should be. I hope for phoenix and siren and all their readers that this site will continue to grow. I felt that it was an excellent idea to start with and it is living up to everyones expectations. Good job and thanks for letting me be a small part of it.

8:25 AM  
Blogger ozymandiaz said...

First off, the guy should have used a little couth. Did he even ask her if she wanted steak? You should save the coupons until at least the third date. And then coupons should be presented at the beginning of the date...
As for her, shallow, shallow, shallow. Good litmus test for finding out what the gal is about.

11:51 AM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

I wholeheartedly agree with :P fuzzbox. Thank you all for your comments and thanks for letting me play. It was a lot of fun. And I think between everyone we've covered this topic fully!

Siren and Phoenix, keep up the great work with this site!

12:05 PM  
Blogger Eve said...

Oh no, no,no, no. You don't show your cheap side until the SECOND date?! ;)

12:04 PM  
Blogger miss_lissa said...

Oh, good question and both sides did a fantastic job of laying out their points.

Well, when I was married, I knew our financial situation. It determined wether we ate out at Tony Roma's or Rotten Ronnie's. It didn't matter who paid or saw the bill since it was our money.

Now, that I'm single & casually dating again, I can't help but think "oh gawd" when it comes to issues like this. It makes me wanna stay home & drink wine instead. non the less here's my .. wait for it.. two cents *groan*

Ok,
If we went dutch and he whipped out the coupon- I think that I would laugh and smile!
It would be an icebreaker & would show that he thought ahead, feels comfortable enough to share that info with me and wanted to make the evening a good time for both of us.

If he was paying, I wouldn't want to know about the coupon at all. If he said "I have a coupon.. could we stick with these selections?" I'd feel uneasy about being in that style of a restaurant instead of Burger King & sets the tone for an uncomfortable date. Puts the mind on the money not each other.

Personally, I don't want to know the numbers on the first date. When that billfold comes, I usually excuse myself to the washroom just to avoid that "whip out the cash" moment. If he feels the need to slip a coupon in there and I don't know about it, all the power to 'em.

but, Beauty is right... save it for later.

6:35 PM  
Anonymous Writer Chick said...

What a fun site and great post. It reminds me of the old Saturday Night Live with the Point-Counter-Point.

You know, I think I land somewhere in the middle on this. If it had happened to me, I probably would have thought it was a little weird and maybe even tacky. Though I wouldn't have been mortified - just curious. I would have at least shared the meal and talked to the man. Maybe he could have given me good investing advice. Who knows? On the other hand, if it was one of those two-fers that meant you both had the same thing then it might have been a little strange. And for a blind date story, this one seems pretty mild. LOL.
WC

8:42 PM  
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