Beauties & Beaties

Friday, January 06, 2006

Do These Pants Make My Butt Look Big?

Once the words are uttered, there's no going back. You're at the crossroads. In these instances, is it better to lie or tell the truth? Why do women ask these questions? What do they want?

He Says: Your answer depends on what you want: A happy relationship or a death spiral into the dark abyss. There are some inexperienced men that believe watching Oprah has taught them all they need to know about handling the "fairer sex." Oh, so wrong, brother. All honesty has brough upon the male species is heartache, lonliness, and sleeping on the couch watching "Skinemax." I don't care if her ass is as big as the Titanic, you tell her she looks great. This is a test, she wants to know if you'll lie in order to make her happy. Remember...honesty will get you only one thing when it comes to dealing with the female and her body image: forced abstinence.

She Says: Lie. Lie, lie, lie. Lie like there's no tomorrow. Even if she's splitting the seams, tell her "No". Women aren't really looking for your opinion, anyway. It's no secret women worry about their appearance; what she needs from you men is just the affirmation that you still find her attractive. So, in the cases where her butt most definitely looks big, it's ok to lie. Just remember, statistically, she will outlive you. This means her fat ass will be changing your Depends.


Blogger Mojotek said...

Great topic for your first post... I've always leaned more toward the "LIE LIE LIE" stance myself.

7:33 PM  
Blogger kim said...

Ok, here's my take: when a woman asks her man (or significant other) that question, she wants affirmation she looks ok. When she asks a girl friend, she wants help and the truth (well, constructive criticism anyway).

8:43 PM  
Blogger Eve said...


Cute new blog guys...

8:48 PM  
Blogger Ben Heller said...

It's a No win situation for the guy on this one.

a) If he says "No You look great in that".

She says "No I don't, you're lying cos' you want to get out of this store".

b) If he says "I'm not sure that item suits you".

She says angrily "Thanks a bunch !!! I'm never taking you clothes shopping again"

11:54 PM  
Blogger :P fuzzbox said...

It is a no winner. You are going to be branded a lier for doing it but lie anyway. And lie with conviction, believe the lie and it will become the truth and the truth will set you free.

4:56 AM  
Blogger Mike ( ex scientia, veritas ) said...

Oprahfication! What can I say. My answer is, "I trust your judgment." Or, "The answer is in the question." Which is very frequently the case.

5:54 AM  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 said...

I say, "No the pants do not make your butt look big. Your butt is big which makes your butt look big. In fact, your big butt is making the pants look big, too. Now get them off and get that fat ass over here for some lovin'"

8:36 AM  
Blogger Pixie said...

Alas I never as WP these type of questions, He will say it how it is.He always says he never "pampers to the femaile ego" So I dont even go there.
Its hard enough to get an off the cuff compliment out of him at the best of times, I cherish those remarks and keep them locked in my mind.

*BTW I love the title you chose and the whole look of your new blog, One to link methinks.

9:15 AM  
Blogger KC said...

Phoenix said, "I don't care if her ass is as big as the Titanic, you tell her she looks great."

Truer words were never spoken!

Love the new blog!

9:54 AM  
Blogger grrrbear said...

The nice thing about being a "fashion-challenged" guy is that I can usually fire back with the non-response without getting in trouble.

As in "Wait a minute, are you actually asking for my advice on clothes? I'm the guy who can't tell his black socks from his navy ones without your help and who can't assemble a matching shirt and slacks without handholding, remember?"

10:38 AM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

You don't even have to lie. Big compared to what?
You just imagine her butt compared with a mountain or a stadium. Then you can honestly say, "No, there are no pants that will make your butt look big. You look lovely to me."

Great new blog!! This will be FUN!

11:11 AM  
Blogger Dirk the Feeble said...

I don't know about this. Normally I would be with you on this, but last time my girlfriend asked how her ass looked and I said (without even thinking or pausing) "It looks great, honey." She turns around and said "No, it doesn't. I'm wearing unflattering pants on purpose so that I could see if you were going to lie to me. Now I can never ask you for your opinion on the way I look again because I know you'll just tell me what I want to hear."

This proves two things: 1, women are insane, and 2, I can't win no matter what.

11:34 AM  
Blogger Kid Jacque said...

Great new blog!!

11:52 AM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

One caveat: It's OK to tell your woman she looks good but if there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with said pants, like there is lint all over the butt or the seam is in the WRONG place, you should tell her. There is nothing worse than going out in public thinking you look nice and then finding some serious flaw later.

(My husband didn't warn me about the lint issue once. And I was pregnant so my ass was huge! Huge and covered in lint. You just want to be able to fix what you can.)

Great site!

2:21 PM  
Blogger Sar said...

What a great idea for a blog - I love it! It's like He Said She said meets Blogsphere -- siren you are so funny; how long until you throw a mug at Phoenix's head? ;)

Best of luck & I'll add this one to the blogroll.

2:35 PM  
Blogger Anhoni Patel said...

"This is a test, she wants to know if you'll lie in order to make her happy." = you crack me up Phoenix.

So do you Siren: "This means her fat ass will be changing your Depends."

I have to address Armaedes' comment. I've totally done this. Not the whole wearing ill-fitting pants on purpose thing but been wearing a pair of pants that I know have not looked good, asked the RFL what he thought and then caught him in the lie. Knowing that he'll lie to m (which I yelled at him about), I never ask him what he thinks which is probably just fine by him. That bastard.

4:38 PM  
Blogger Keshi said...

LOL soo funny! hahahaha!


6:10 PM  
Blogger ObilonKenobi said...

Man, I hate this one. It's so cliche that it gets me in trouble everytime. So much so that I never take it seriously and say something stupid like, "Yes." My advice to the young men out there is to say very nicely, "huh?"

If that doesn't work then say, "not at all honey."

7:09 PM  
Anonymous Haas said...

I don't care if her ass is as big as the Titanic, you tell her she looks great.

Remember...honesty will get you only one thing when it comes to dealing with the female and her body image: forced abstinence.

He he how true

10:06 PM  
Blogger RT said...

LoL, I think you guys might be onto something with this blog. I hope you can keep it going without killing each other.

As for the subject, I say don't lie! Of course, I'm a bit older and don't have a lot of girlfriends to take shopping with me, so if he goes and I ask him if something makes me look unattractive, I want the truth.

I think the trick is to be honest from the beginning. And for goodness sakes, if she looks bad in something, don't wait for her to ask, tell her!

8:49 AM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

I love this blog! Great idea! and both of y'all are too funny!

9:10 AM  
Blogger Bruce said...

If your significant other already acknowledges that she has a big ass, is it wrong to say yes?

9:27 AM  
Blogger angel, jr. said...

yes, I agree. It's better just to say something nice. And I think it was Ross on "Friends" who said, "don't hesitate, just say it" when giving Chandler advice about the same issue.

10:29 AM  
Anonymous Tasa said...

hahah I have to agree, whenever I say "I'm too fat for this *insert article of clothing*" I want my boyfriend to say "no you're not!" =)

5:49 PM  
Blogger PDD said...

I would have to agree with Pinky. I always say, whether guy or gal, the fat makes you look fat.

11:09 AM  
Blogger Dear Jane said...

I have never asked that question of a man because I don't want them to feel like they have to lie. remember, you should only ask a question that you are ready to hear the answer to. You can say, should I wear these pants or the black ones...stuff like that where he isn't trapped into a Lying Corner. Great Blog. Great First Post Guys! Oh, and Phoneix I nominated you for some bloggie stuff the other day...good luck!

12:48 PM  
Blogger Laura:) said...

I totally agree. The woman knows if she looks fat or not, she just want to make sure you still find her attractive.

5:32 PM  
Blogger MsAmber said...

I don't want my husband to EVER lie to me.
So the best choice is for me to not ask him that question.
He also knows the quickest way to end our relationship is to lose my respect. Lying to me is an instant strike.
And it's not that hard to have an honest relationship if you are always "Friends First".


(By the way, he has told me I'm getting a little fat. He bought me a treadmill and a book "Dieting for Dummies". Thanks a lot!)

1:52 PM  
Anonymous Lydia Hanich said...

I know the best way to answer that question because I wrote the book on it!!!

Released in December,"Honey, Does This Make My Butt Look Big? A Couple's Guide to Food and Body Talk" by Lydia Hanich (me!) is short, funny and insightful for both women and men.

Men: you'll find out how to avoid trouble without lying and why the heck she asks questions like that. Women: you'll gain insight to your body image and eating issues and improve your relationship.

For more info, please see my website. (How could I refuse this opportunity for shameless self-promotion?)

7:15 AM  
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7:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hell, I like women with big butts!
So should I reply, "Yes, but I like your big butt!"

3:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hell, I like women with big butts!
So should I reply, "Yes, but I like your big butt!"

3:01 AM  

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