Beauties & Beaties

Thursday, February 23, 2006

When Does Friendship Cross the Line?

A man recently confronted his wife about gifts she was receiving from her really good friend at work who happened to be male. The wife insists that they are just friends. For her birthday, her co-worker bought her a necklace. Is this crossing the line of "friendship"? Is it ever OK for your spouse to have a best friend of the opposite sex? Fuzz and Vic present their views on the topic:

He Says: Why should a secure husband feel threatened by a mere bauble given to his wife by a male co-worker and friend? Unless it was a pearl necklace, then he has nothing to fear. I have never subscribed to the 'Harry Met Sally' theory that men and women cannot be friends. I, myself, have many female friends and would never dream of entertaining notions of any type of relationship that would cross this boundary ;)

The big question is simply this; Are you a secure husband? Before you fly off the handle and berate your spouse for having a male friend, take a deep calming breath and let's go over a few questions that you need to ask yourself to see if you have done all that you could to forge a secure relationship.

1) Do you talk to your spouse? - By talking to your spouse, I mean do you let her ramble to her hearts content while you put on either a concerned, a loving, or an amused face as the situation calls for? And do you tell her everyday how pretty she is when she first wakes up in the morning, and how her ass hasn't spread an inch since childbirth? Women need to hear these things and if you are unable to lie to them then some other guy will and in the guise of a best friend.

2) Are you the best lover that you can be? - Do you sleep on the wet spot or at least cover it with a towel like a gentleman so that she can get a good nights rest? Do you back off when she is not in the mood and ready in a moments notice when she is? If not, then someone will gladly take your place in the sexual line up posing as a concerned friend.

3) Are you a good provider? - Do you take on as many jobs as possible to support her in the livestyle that she so richly deserves? Have you clawed your way, kissed enough asses, and climbed over the backs of enough people to have climbed far enough up the corporate ladder to give her all her heart desires? If not, then some Mr. Moneybags could come and be that special friend, The Sugar Daddy.

If you have answered yes to all of these questions then you have absolutely nothing to fear from your wife having a best friend as a man. If the answers to these questions are no then you better get to work on them before she finds a friend or before long she could be copulating with the copy boy and the next office party will feature naked Twister and you won't be invited. It's either that or find a place where all of her co-workers are gay men. They make the best male friends to any man's wife.

She Says: Let me just preface everything by saying that I work with all men and my best friends are men, so I'm either the worst to get this one or the best. You can decide...

Necklace from co-worker? Kinda strange as I've never had a "just friend" buy me a necklace. You know, come to think of it, hubby's the only one to ever give me a necklace...hmmmm. (That is unless you count the pearl kind, and I firmly believe that when you get one of those you should get earrings too.) I think I'm a little more weirded out about the fact that it's a co-worker than the fact that it's a man. But that's just me. I mean are we talkin' Wally World costume necklace or Tiffany's? That's a signifcant detail.

OK, my bestest friend in the whole world is a man. We just click. I tell him most everything and when I shut up long enough, he does the same. Hubby knows about him and for the most part doesn't care. Does this mean that I don't catch my friend looking at my boobs sometimes? Ah, no. Does this mean that my friend would turn me down if I offered to um "service" him? Doubt it. But, we do have a relationship without sex and it's a pretty darn good one. So, yes, I think male-female relationships can exist without the other stuff. My motto is...Men and women can be great friends without sex, BUT friends can have great sex too. (I may have gone too far there.)

And just for the record, Hubby works with a woman that he consistently goes to lunch with alone. I'm fine by it. He gets to pick his own friends, just like me. I think that's part of being a grown up.


Blogger The Phoenix said...

Blah blah blah...

A guy that just wants to be a plutonic friend with your lady doesn't give her a pearl necklace.

Jewelry is a very intimate kind of gift.

5:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Phoenix - "Jewelry is a very intimate kind of gift"...especially if you're naked when you give her the jewelry.

I thought it was interesting that both Fuzz and Vic mentioned pearl necklaces. Does that suggest a more intimate gift?

I'm lucky to not have to face that whole issue since my "significant other" is also my best friend :) If I see him looking at other women, I'll scratch his eyes out.

5:33 PM  
Blogger Big D said...

I know for a fact the fuzz loves to recieve pearl necklaces....


I think that is over the line. I don't think he has actually slept with your wife. At least yet or he wouldn't be gifting her anything he just wants a piece.

6:41 PM  
Blogger Pixie said...

Jewelry is a little over the line.I have always whished for a gay man friend I dont know whay I just think someone like Stanford on sex and the city would be a great laugh.WP's View on this ?Not on his watch, a friend with a penis is still a friend with a penis gay or not"

Good post you two.

7:19 PM  
Blogger phred said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:20 PM  
Blogger phred said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:30 PM  
Blogger RAVEN the PITA said...

Hmm I find the same question that Siren had - we talking walmart jewelry or zayles jewelry? If we're talking like 14kt gold (or pearls for fuxxie) I think thats too much, too personal. Course coworker wasnt really defined as "coworker" or "close friend thats a coworker". I also find it weird that a co-worker is buying jewelry instead of like a birthday cake and card or something like that. Course it could be the guy is just a generous person and doesn't realize that he might have been giving a gift thats a bit too personal...

12:27 AM  
Blogger Ann Alsex said...

Vic did so well. And fuxxie, sounds like you really know how to treat a lady :D I luved the towel line!!!

5:00 AM  
Blogger Green Eyes said...

Fuzz is right in that it all depends on your security with the relationship.

However, I'm with the majority here, what kind of necklace?

6:46 AM  
Blogger David Amulet said...

I don't think it really matters if the necklace is from Tiffany's, Walmart, or a garbage can (oops, sorry--those last two are the same). Giving jewelry to a co-worker is a bit on the odd side.

That said, I agree with the Fuzz: it's only a real issue of concern FOR the relationship if there are already problems WITH the relationship. If not, it's amusing and odd, but not something to go off and murder anyone for.

-- david

7:08 AM  
Blogger KC said...

If the man is making the jewelry, he might be giving it to the co-worker because he is proud of what he's created. Also, if she wears it and her girlfriends like it, he might make a few sales from the fact that she's advertising his wares. Otherwise, I think it's odd.

But then again, I've given gifts to male friends of mine before, but only on birthdays or at Christmas.

8:01 AM  
Blogger jane said...

He: If only all men followed your advice, our world would be a much better place.

She: You & your husband obviously have a friendship, a trusting relationship & are both secure adults.

As for the necklace, I'd have to know the answer to all of She's answers too before I made a decision.
I think both offered good insights & made me smile at the same time.

10:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think getting jewelry from a co-worker would be a little creepy but I guess it does depend on the relationship. Having friends of the opposite sex is a two way street. If he has female friends than she should be allowed to have male friends. Some of my dearest friends are men and like "she" said, would they turn me down for sex? I doubt it BUT it's not brought up. We're friends! That's it and if you are a good husband then you have nothing to worry about. It's the men who know in their hearts that they aren't nice to their women who worry the most.

10:52 AM  
Blogger ozymandiaz said...

Hard to pick a better one here because essentially they took the same stance. Fuzz is correct that if you are secure (although all security is an illusion, but that's a different topic) in the way you treat your love and you have a wonderful relationship than there's zip to worry about. Vic brings up a good point about how offends "just friends" purchase each other jewelry. I mean if it's a pendant of your favorite team ir some gag gift is one thing, but the purchase of expensive jewelry is somewhat disturbing. What niether of the entrants addressed to my satisfaction was the appropriateness of her ACCEPTING the jewelry. That is the more disturbing aspect of proposed situation. If as Fuzz says you are secure, why is she accepting such gifts.
Oh, and Vic, I can't buy into that whole "friends with benefits" thing. I do agree than men and women can be very good friends, even with sexual attraction, but things change when sex is involved. If it doesn't, there there is some serious social and emotional dissfunction involved.

11:11 AM  
Blogger Ranea said...

No one said a thing about the wife that excepted the necklace. I mean I love jewelry as much as the next girl but I couldn't except a gift like that. But I agree with Fuzz. My husband is secure enough to know there is nothing going on.

11:15 AM  
Blogger WriteWingNut said...

I agree with is an intimate gift.

This post made me want to cry. Because my husband started a friendship, a close one, with a woman at work that had similar health problems as he does.

There's a reason for the saying "avoid the near occasion of sin." Friendship turned to more and he left me and our 3 children for her last spring.

We're back together now and he realizes what a huge mistake he made.

I read somewhere that the people most vulnerable to an affair are the ones who think they'd never have one. My husband was one of those.

So instead of avoiding a situation that could lead to an affair, he thought himself immune to it and carried on with the "friendship."

Better to be safe than sorry in my opinion.

1:01 PM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

I think Fuzz made some very good points, but Vic did a great job too! I see no problem in having friends of the opposite sex. I actually don't see a problem with getting jewelry as a birthday gift either, as long as it doesn't cross the Tiffany's line. I figure there might be two other reasons (outside of wanting sex) a guy would give a friend jewelry; either he just doesn't know how to shop for girls and jewelry is easy or he's a closet homosexual (it happens). Though KCs suggestion that he's making it is a good one, too. I make jewelry and if I knew any guys who wore it I'd probably make them stuff, just for fun. But it would probably piss off their wives.

1:07 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

I can't imagine a male friend giving a female (married) friend gifts, especially a necklace. I can see if there was an office b-day party for her, and he bought her a pencil cup or something.

7:16 PM  
Blogger Veloche said...

Coworker Friendship and Lunch is one one thing. That means friendship.

A necklace is another thing. That means either A) He REALLY wants to *&!% your wife and is actively trying, or B) He IS *&!%ing your wife.

9:52 PM  
Blogger April said...

Personally, I would never accept such a present from a member of the opposite sex because of the problems it might cause in my marriage. I see no issues with having friends of the opposite sex, in fact I relate better to men than I do women...but some things do cross the line.

As far as Fuzz's pov...yes, make sure that your significant other is secure in your relationship, make sure that you make the effort every day to make the relationship work. If you're in a relationship and not willing to do those things which make your partner feel secure & loved...then you shouldn't be in it.

10:36 AM  
Blogger mrsbeach said...

hey ya'll! I would not want my "Dick" buying gifts for a female co-worker. Have EVERYONE pitch in a few bucks and buy something is OK, but just from him, I think that crosses a line.
Actions speak WAY louder than words.

6:56 AM  
Blogger Mojotek said...

Guys and girls can be friends... but friends don't give each other gifts of jewelry. Especially if the giver isn't gay.

Gifts are ok, but shouldn't be anything intimate like bling-bling. Funny stuff is almost always acceptable, as long as it's not really sexually themed.

And I like Vic's comment that earrings should accompany a pearl necklace. :)

But I think Fuzz said it best. If you take care of your shit at home, it won't ever matter how many guys want to be 'friends' with your woman... you'll never have anything to worry about.

9:53 AM  
Blogger Curare_Z said...

ozymandiaz asked the question I was thinking of while reading these posts -- why would you ACCEPT a necklace from a co-worker? Particularly one of the opposite sex?

Of course men and women can be friends. But I'm a firm believer in avoiding even the "image of impropriety." Even if you ARE in a secure marriage. Why put yourself in a position that would make your spouse question your loyalty/fidelity? Not worth it in my book....

5:40 AM  
Blogger :P fuzzbox said...

I just wanted to say thanks for commenting. I really enjoy doing guest posts on this site. I think this site fills a need in the 'sphere. I tried to utilyze what little wit I have to strike a humorous chord but I stand by my stance.

One must start with a partner they trust and do all that they can to foster and retain that trust with respect. If you do that then you shouldn't have to worry about. And if your partner strays anyway, then there was nothing you could have done about it anyway.

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Blogger Vic said...

I'm with Fuzz. Thanks for the comments. It was fun! And yes, he got his reward...

1:43 PM  
Blogger :P fuzzbox said...

Vic, :P Badadadada. I'm luvin' it. Thanks once again Siren and Phoenix. When are the next two combatents hitting the ring?

11:30 PM  
Anonymous Writer Chick said...

I may be wrong but I thought the unspoken rule was when a man gives you jewelry (even a wonder woman watch)it's a romantic jesture. In this case I think the husband may have a right to be suspicious of the man friend.

Although, I see no problem with people having friends of either sex. I have a lot of male friends who are married - but none of them give me jewelry.

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