Beauties & Beaties

Monday, March 20, 2006

The Things You Do

This post not only pits Beauty vs. The Beast but the views of a single man and a married woman. Big D and Ranea take on the question of 'What are the three most annoying traits of the opposite sex.

He said: Three most annoying habits of the opposite sex. Being a bachelor, I may not have the same insights as married people, but these are my observations.

Why is that most if not all women have the need to purge your porn collection. I've spent over a decade collecting that porn how dare you try and throw it away!!! If parents spent as much time with their children as I did with my porn collection, then we'd have a lot of strange mommy coddled teenagers. There have been so many times when a friend in a relationship would say, 'Hey, I've got to throw my porn out. Could you keep it for me? I can't bear to throw it in the garbage.' I know that cookie is well worth it, but come on have a little sympathy ladies. It was there with him long before you and when you dump his perverted ass it will be there to pick him up.

Freaking out over strip clubs!!! What's the deal with this. So I went out with the guys and paid a hot topless girl to sit and dance on my lap. It's all in good fun. It's not that I don't love you. It's just that I want to see as many tits as humanly possible. Don't view these girls as competition; They are Professionals. Think of them like psychiatrists allowing you to freely express yourself and ease your stress after a long week at work. Much like you feel the need to talk about everything we have the need to look at boobs.

The number one annoying habit; Coming from a bachelor. BABIES!!! I'm blaming this squarely on women. Leave your baby at home. Not only are babies loud, smelly, and ugly but they scare the living shit out of me. Seriously!!! If I was on Fear Factor and to win the fifty thousand dollars, all I had to do was hold a baby. I'd tell Joe Rogan that fear is ... Definitely a factor for me and take the walk of shame with my head held high.

She said: I had a hard time narrowing down what I feel are the three most annoying habits of men. That is a Pandora's box that once opened is hard to close but I finally narrowed it down.

The Hamper: First just let me say in case men don't understand the concept of a hamper. Dirty clothes go inside it; Not on top of it, behind it, or somewhere close to it. Women love a striptease but not a trail of clothes from the front door to the bedroom with the promise of 'Ill pick them up later.'

Directions: Why won't men ask for direction's? With very few exceptions they all say the same standard two answers. 'I am not lost.' and 'I will keep driving. I'll find it.' You will not find it if your in a different state!!! My husband has gotten us lost in areas of cities that even the police will not venture into at night. Come on guys, buy a map, spring for a GPS, or just stop the car. We will be glad to hop out and ask for directions!!!

Breasts: Stop talking to my tits!!! You wouldn't trust another man who wouldn't look you in the eye, Would you? To the best of my knowledge, there is not a speaker box to place an order planted in my bra. Don't walk up to me and say, 'Damn, What size are those?' Try finding out my name first. Believe it or not but there's a lot more to me than just my chest.


Blogger :P fuzzbox said...

Great job guys and thanks for coming up with some great posts on such a short notice. Big D - but babies are so cuddly and Ranea -stop staring at my crotch.

BTW to all commenters. I am thankful to everyone that has volunteered for upcoming posts but there is a lack of Beast volunteers. If any Beasts out there would like another forum for their thoughts. Drop a line. Thanks.

4:48 AM  
Blogger Curare_Z said...

Good job you two!

Go Ranea! What IS with the hamper thing? And I will recycle Debbiecakes' comment to the last BvB post: Sometimes it would be helpful to be able to remove our tits from our chest for the first date.

Big D: It's not the naked girls that bother us. We just HATE thinking that you're thinking about someone else whilst getting it on with us!

4:55 AM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

Real men don't ask for directions.

5:55 AM  
Blogger Green Eyes said...

Great post, guys.

Once, my exhusband was 15 minutes away and asked me how to get home. An hour later he called back, 50 miles further north than the last time he called!

Stop the car, ask someone, save fuel! lol

6:38 AM  
Blogger phred said...

Good job by both..but I have to go with Big D..
Leave my porn collection alone or I will throw away ALL the bottles of '' whatever it is '' lined up around the tub.
Titty Flop, I see nothing wrong with this , almost never do the spectators go home with the dancers.
I learned years ago how to tune out the noise. The smell does linger, however

What IS a '' hamper ''?
I drove a truck for 18 years and never did get lost.
I am sorry you are offended by me looking at your boobs. You really should take it as a compliment.

8:46 AM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

We have a common denominator with these two contributions: Boobs/Tits.

To look or not to look, that is the question...
Men enjoy ogling, but women don't enjoy being ogled, except for sometimes when the right person is doing the ogling.
If in doubt guys, simply ask, "Do you mind if I ogle you?"
Her answer will clear up any confusion.

Big D is afraid of babies???!!!
Babies are the most precious things ever!

10:07 AM  
Blogger Big D said...

Curare- we don't do that.

Jamie Dawn- I SCARED!!!

bobbs are people too and I'm all about boob rights!

10:39 AM  
Blogger Crazy Dan said...

I must concur with Big D and Phred, men would not get lost if women would stop trying to give us directions, God gave women one of mans rips so the least she can do in turn is let us look at her boobs

10:49 AM  
Blogger Ranea said...

Phred:I commend You on never getting lost. Your truly rare.
And I might not mind you staring at my boobs, if you didn't use my shirt as a bib to catch the drool.:)

Crazy Dan: Maybe if weren't staring at a womans boobs you wouldn't get lost to begin with.:)

Curare_Z: thanx for the back up on the hamper. It's still a mystery to me the fear of the hamper men have.:)

Jamie: Maybe asking permission is the way to go for men.:)

11:24 AM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Big D: Babies are just tiny people. Yes, they drool, spit up, and mess their diapers, but they also giggle when you act like a monkey or blow on their bellies. And their laughs are divine!

Ranea: The hamper thing will never work. It's not just a man problem either. My teenaged daughter's room looks like a clothes explosion.

This was a fun post!! Thanks, Big D & Ranea.

11:45 AM  
Blogger Mimi said...

My hubby still has the porn and I don't mind strip clubs. I guess I am not a normal woman! LOL

3:07 PM  
Blogger siren said...

Great job by both sides :) As much as I love the new template Big D and want to stay in your good graces, I have to side with Ranea on this. Maybe it's the fact that men are directionally challenged, and that's why they can't find the hamper and talk to our breasts!

6:29 PM  
Blogger David Amulet said...

I love the contrast between the breast comments. A perfect BvtB!

Let's stir this up a little bit more.

Phoenix is correct: Real men don't ask for directions. What he doesn't say is why; it's because unlike women, men don't have to prove they are right all the time and don't mind exploring new things.

(Fire-retardant suit ON, anticipating female flames.)

-- david

11:30 AM  
Anonymous Bruce said...

LOL, David... I'm staying far away from you, my friend. I've been known to cause a few flames myself over the years..

2:44 PM  
Blogger Breezy said...

big d, why did it feel like you were picking on me??? so...i'm gonna go with ranea, she did a good job of narrowing it down to three, there is no way i could have narrowed it down that easily

8:36 PM  
Blogger jay lassiter said...

Of course a different set of rules apply to us gays....
we are hamper trained for starters.
Straight people are soooooo amusing!
(and we love you)

5:48 AM  
Blogger RAVEN the PITA said...

XXX: If reading dirty magazines and staring at bubbies bouncin around pisses off your woman then my guess is she's got issues with trust, and I bet you 10 to 1 she blames it on 'your' disgusting ways because she doesn't want to admit it. Women. heehee

Hamper: If there was any justice in the world it wouldnt stop at the hamper. I want the hamper filled, it carried downstairs, dumped in the washer, tumbled in the dryer, folded in the living room and neatly put away upstairs. And don't forget the dishes while you're at it!

6:19 AM  
Blogger Mojotek said...

mimi has my vote for woman of the year!

6:58 AM  
Blogger Ranea said...

Thanx to everyone who commented on behalf. I really got a kick of it. And Big D I promise, I'd never steal your porn, or force you to hold a baby!:)

6:05 AM  
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