Beauties & Beaties

Thursday, April 27, 2006

The Music of Your Life

In the movies, the soundtrack is a crucial component; setting the tone, defining a moment or evoking an emotion. In life, we have no orchestra or band behind us, musically illustrating those moments, but there are those songs that stick with you forever or at least can capture the essence of that period of our lives. So, Fuzz and I have taken on the daunting task of creating the soundtrack to our respective lives, encompassing early childhood, the teenage years, young adulthood and today. Please feel free to share your own :)

He Says: The soundtrack of my life sounds like an intriguing concept. It is hard for me to list just one song for each stage of my life. The King did it his way let me see if I can do it mine in song.

1) Childhood: At an early age, I was one of those pain in the ass kids that was always talking. My parents are fond of saying that they do not remember when I first started talking because it seemed that I just started out that way. I was fond of making up stories, singing songs, and took to the art of bullshitting like a duck in water. So for a song I would have to pick, ' The Song That Never Ends' by Sherri Lewis and Lambchop.

2) Teenage years: I pretty much coasted through my teen years. Sure I had the ups and downs of all teenagers but hey it was the age of hair metal and '80's pop rock. How bad could it be? Exchange the words Tastee-Freeze for Dixie Dog and 'Jack and Diane' by John Mellencamp pretty much says it all.

3) Young Adulthood: I was a big partyer in my early adulthood. I always thought then that I would die early, at age 28. Hey Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison died at 28 why should I live any longer? But my 29th birthday hit and I was still alive and kicking. So I started slowing down on my partying and a year later met my wife and settled down. I always pictured my funeral with 'Carry On My Wayward Son', by Kansas. But now I do not think about my funeral at all. Angst is for the young, I suppose.

4) Today: I am older but no wiser, a little grizzled but still optimistic. Now I am a father and a grandfather but in many ways a still think of myself as a kid. So I am going with the Toys R Us jingle. ' I don't want to grow up. Cause if I did. I wouldn't be a Toys R Us Kid.'

She Says: The soundtrack of my life...hmmm. While the wishful part of me would like the music to be exciting, reality forces me to admit it would probably be something like the soundtrack from Muriel's Wedding in muzak form.

The Childhood Years - This one is tough. I was quiet and shy, didn't make friends easily, always had my nose stuck in a book. (And honestly, not much has changed since then. ) We lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere. Since I can't find one called "The Pig Farmer's Stepdaughter", I'll have to go with "Homely Girl". I love my Mom, and I know she meant well by making most of my clothes, but pair that up with the coke bottle glasses I wore since second grade that had the automatic tint...well, I looked homeless.

The Teenage Years - Fast forward five years, and things are looking better. I was doing well in school, playing sports and had replaced the Mr. Magoo glasses with contacts. I actually got the good citizenship award at school which was a laugh. Oh, and perfect attendance. I was the kid everyone probably hated. Definitely "Goody Two-Shoes" during the teen years.

Young Adulthood - I was a late, late bloomer and wow did it catch up with me in young adulthood. I partied all night, skipped school, traveled and had probably some of the best times of my life. I was getting ready to finish college and had planned to join the Peace Corps. At the same time, I had met someone, moved in with him and then found out I was pregnant. He's long gone, but my daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me. So, waxing sentimental, I'll say "My Baby You" by Marc Anthony would be the song here.

Today - Well, this one could go several ways. I could say"I Will Survive", but that's so overdone. "Shake it Off" might fit too, but then that reveals my pop music obsession. What really fits, though, is Rascal Flatt's "I'm Moving On". Life doesn't always work out the way you plan, and sometimes cutting your losses is the best thing you can do.

So that's it. If this were an actual soundtrack, I probably wouldn't even buy it!


Friday, April 21, 2006

What Is Your Fave?


Once again the limelight is yours. Tell us what is your favorite type of blog post to read. Is it funny, Is it sexy, Is it political, Is it informative, or does it touch you in some profound way?

Monday, April 17, 2006

Decisions Decisions


Now it's down to business. In this post, The Beauty and The Beast were given the rather sticky topic of a complex hiring issue. Returning guest, David Amulet, puts his Beastly opinion on the line and a new Beauty, Ella M., brings her unique perspective to this forum. The question both were given:


You are in charge of hiring for XYZ Latex Corp., Omaha Div. and you are down to the top two candidates for a vice-presidents job. They both have the same educational background, they both have comparable job experience, and they were equally impressive in their interviews. Your two candidates are Jack and Jill. Jack is married with two children. Jill is a single mother of two. Who do you pick and why?

Ladies first this time. She said:

First things first,I'd fire my interviewer. Marital/family status has a giant blinking "Illegal Interview Question" neon sign on it, and now I'm knee deep in potential lawsuit. Which means that I'm starting my day by putting something else at least that far into the ass of the person responsible for getting me into this mess. Even if by some minor miracle the otherwise very competent Jack and Jill didn't realize the illegality of the subject (or even more unlikely, were dumb enough to bring it up unprompted), whoever I don't hire could easily sue me on perfectly legitimate discrimination grounds. I can't even hide behind it being a necessary bit of information to the job, as they're both VP candidates, not testers for the new line of "adult" latex products we started manufacturing in the back offices to boost the bottom line.

Am I to make to make a blanket statement that Jack would be more reliable just on the basis of his having a spouse? She could be a world traveling photojournalist who spends her days photographing the insurgency in remote countries with unpronounceable names, for all I know. Wives only morph into instant domestic goddesses in 50's sitcoms, and taking it as a given that she's staying home to fetch dinner and mind the children is not something I could reasonably do outside of vintage television. Even if she is the type who enjoys care taking, she's going to occasionally need Jack to take over the endless reruns of Dora The Explorer, the dishes and the parental shuttle service just to maintain her sanity.

Or am I going to stereotype Jill as unreliable because she lacks said spouse, and will potentially spend more time ironing out why little Billy used certain very naughty words on the playground than she will at her desk? The woman is an educated executive type, obviously she is pretty skilled at finding care for her children(because toddlers don't go over well in graduate school English Lit class), as well as probably having enough money to have a top tier nanny(who will later write a tell all book about her experiences if she's not compensated well). I also don't know if she has a long term boyfriend/girlfriend/immaculately kept young plaything who's pitching in to help with the ankle biters.

All I know is that both of them have families and will have the usual group of issues that come with being a working parent ( babysitter failure, need of a more flexible schedule due to basic tasks like parent teacher conferences and medical emergencies, finding a dry cleaner who's skilled at getting strained pea stains out of a nice Armani). Being that my being privy to this information puts me in clearly shark infested legal waters, I only have two choices, as I enjoy still drawing a paycheck.

Hire then both or don't hire either of them.

XYZ doesn't have the budget for two executive checks and the accompanying golden parachutes ( hence why our formerly respectable company went from making medical supplies and industrial products to producing things on the sly that would be more suited to NYC's Fetish Ball), so I'm sending both Jack and Jill up the hill to the government office to fetch their unemployment check. I'll start another round of inteviews myself, as there's got to be a qualified candidate out there who will be swayed by our new growth as a company and possesses a genuine love for snapping on the latex.

And now for The Beast: He said:

I don’t know how I got this job. It’s kind of a blur.One minute I’m sneaking into this BD/SM Supply Manufacturer’s Warehouse … next thing you know, the damn place has hired me as their H.R. Guru, citing my“extensive interest in the XYZ Latex product line.”Oh well, it pays pretty well. And I get to play with this stuff ALL FREAKIN’ DAY. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

But right now I’m in bit of a, well … a bind. I’ve got a tough choice to make. Jack and Jill have emerged as the finalists in our search for a new VP, and their education, qualifications, and interviews don’t give me a clear choice. There’s only one difference between them: Jill is raising two kids alone, while Jack is married. How does this factor into the thinking of your favorite beastly hiring manager?

First, Jill would seem more likely to skip work to take care of sick kids than Jack—who can split such parental duties with his spouse. Score one point for Jack, who can stay in the office longer and be more productive. Then again, studies reveal that single mothers are more likely to live with other relatives, so Jill might have easier access than Jack to babysitters. Perhaps Jill can even bring a babysitter or two into the office after hours to privately model the latest in rubbery fashion. (Just make them 18 or older, Jill. This personnel guy doesn’t want to go to jail. Again.) It’s a draw.

Second, in Jill’s favor, statistics show that families headed by single mothers are significantly more likely to be poor, so Jill probably will need this job more and will do what it takes to keep it. XYZ Latex just loves people who are tied to their positions. On the other hand, Jack might stay alive longer and thus last longer in the job; research has demonstrated that unmarried folk drink twice as much as those in holy matrimony. Singles are also more likely to smoke and to drink and drive than the hitched. Stretching your career makes a latex company’s management happy. Also too close to call.

Third, Jill’s candidacy suffers because major studies have shown that single mothers experience significantly poorer psychological health than other women. (And we don’t need any more insanity here. All the female employees, single mothers or otherwise, are already way too hysterical about their “voluntary” mask- and gag-wearing sessions every afternoon with the CEO.) But Jill could retort by quoting the scientists who have discovered that married men develop mental health problems more than those who don’t tie the knot with their partners. So hiring Jack could mix a madman with synthetic rubber—rarely a recipe for increasing shareholder value. Still a dead heat.

Sorry, but I really, really tried to do the right thing. I consulted numerous studies to shed light on how their single difference could affect their job performance. I attempted to use reason to determine the best candidate, yet it’s still a toss-up. This beast has no other option but to face the basic facts about Jack and Jill. Jack has a penis. Jill has a vagina and breasts. So … welcome to XYZ Latex, Jill—let me show you to your spacious corner office.But don’t get too comfortable. The CEO is ready for you to stop by for your first afternoon session.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Getting to Know You

I've met some really great people through blogging, and always wonder...what would it be like to meet that person face to face? To actually put a face to the name, to get that "bigger picture", maybe ask them questions not usually posed on their blog. I'm always so curious about that added dynamic, of actually meeting someone you know only through their writings; a somewhat familiar person shrouded under the veil of anonymity. So, your question today: If you had the opportunity to meet three bloggers, who would they be and why?

Monday, April 10, 2006

Rate A Mate

The last post was a very controversial subject so I thought that this post should get back to a basic issue. A great blogfriend of mine from way back and a friend of this site since it's inception, Laurie, from Stranded in Suburbia, and the most politically incorrect Beast in the Blogosphere, Crazy Dan, were given the task of rating five qualities in a potential mate, we're not talking about a simple hookup but someone you could tolerate and could tolerate you for the long haul. The five traits to rate: Financial Security, Trust, Sense of Humor, Looks, and Sexual Chemistry.

She said:
I am honored to have been asked to be a guest here at BvB by my good friend Fuzz! He has asked me to rank, in order of importance, the following traits in a man: Looks, financial security, honesty, sense of humor, and sexual chemistry. I have touched on this subject previously on my own blog, but it's a good subject, and what girl could resist being paired up with the notorious and one-of-a-kind Crazy Dan? Not me!

So without further ado, here is my list:


1. Honesty. This is a huge one for me. If you can't trust someone, if you have to question or doubt everything that they say to you, then why are you with that person? What a miserable way to live, feeling insecure all the time! In the past year, I have really learned the importance of honesty in a partner - being involved with a sociopath/pathological liar who almost ruined my life (but didn't!), made this trait numero uno for me, and made me appreciate a man who is totally honest. (Like my MT - love you, baby!) Now, I'm not talking about the little white lies we all tell to spare someone's feelings - like if I ask MT, "does my ass look fat?", what I am really looking for is reassurance that it is not fat - so a lie in that case is a good thing. For him, especially.

2. A sense of humor. I have always said, make me laugh and I will follow you anywhere! I love to laugh, and studies have shown that it is actually good for you physically. "Laughter is the best medicine" - yep, it's true. If a man can laugh at life's ironies, can find the humor in a tough situation, and laugh at himself - that is golden. I want someone who is positive, optimistic, and also has a twisted sense of humor. I want a guy who will watch Monty Python movies and the Three Stooges with me, and think they are as funny as I do. A sense of humor is also very sexy, and you have to be able to laugh in bed - sex is supposed to be fun, not all serious all the time! Which brings me to number 3...

3. Sexual chemistry. I have a feeling that this will be number one on Dan's list (ha), but for me, I need number one and two in order to get to the chemistry part. Sexual chemistry is important - very important - but it isn't everything. I suppose if all someone is looking for is a bootycall, then chemistry is all that is needed; however, if you want to make it through the long haul, a couple needs to be compatible in a lot of other ways. Because as a lot of us know, even the hottest passion between two people eventually cools with time, kids, mortgages, life... and once it does, you better have something else, something more, something deeper - or someone's going to start cheating, and then it's all over.

4. Looks. To me, looks aren't all that important. I have dated some guys that could hardly be considered handsome - some may even have been considered fugly - but they had such great personalities... they were smart, they were funny, and those were the things that made them very attractive to me. Now, don't get me wrong - I do insist on someone who bathes, isn't grossly overweight, knows how to dress, has all of his teeth, and does not have a mullet - but I think what is more important is that which is on the inside (see number 1 and 2). I've met some gorgeous guys who, once they opened their mouths to speak, turned me off completely - nice house, nobody home, as the saying goes. Good bootycall material, maybe, but that's about it. And a lot of the pretty boys are usually stuck on themselves and/or untrustworthy anyway. Or gay. If a guy takes longer than me to get ready to go somewhere, I won't be waiting around.

5. Financial security. Although I expect a man to have a job, I do not expect him to support me financially, which is why this ranks at number five for me. I don't want to depend on anyone but myself, thank you very much. Of course, like all women, I like to be wined and dined and surprised with little gifts, but in that case it's the thought that counts. I'd rather share a bottle of cheap red wine and a large pizza in front of the tv for Monday Night Football with a man that I trust and who rocks my world, rather than sharing a fancy dinner at Sweet Georgia Brown's with a rich snake that I don't trust. Sure that diamond bracelet is nice, but are you giving it to me because you just f*cked your secretary? Gimme the blue-collar real man any day of the week. I can take care of myself financially, that is why I have educated myself. A man with money is nice, but like the looks thing, it isn't everything. However, there is a flip-side to this - don't be a tightwad, either; don't bitch because I've bought my 100th pair of shoes, and do not ever tell me how to spend my money, unless you are giving me savvy investment tips.


There you have it - Laurie's Five. Of course, it takes a lot more than just those five to make a relationship work, but those are the biggies for sure.

Thanks to BvB for having me, this was fun!

He said:
What do I look for in a woman.... my cock! LOL, but seriously I look for a woman with compassion and sensitivity, one who is not a prisoner of her own neuroses and insecurities we all have them and she needs to be able to see beyond them. A woman who is interested in contributing to the world, not just racking up the dollars with her hubbie to spit out 2.5 kids and buy a nice house in the 'burbs so she can compare her children, furniture and leisure activities with the Jones's, and to focus on appearance for a second, frankly, a woman with meat on her bones, not an anorexic. Chubby is good! Wait a minute thats not how Crazy Dan talks.... those damn aliens must have brain washed me or it could have been Phred Tight Ass, at any rate here is my list.

1) Financial Security - She bettter have a fucking job and be able to support my broke ass.

2) Trust - Very important! I mean if the chick does not trust you how can you manipulate her?

3) Sexual Chemistry - This is a tricky question because of the chemistry part of it. Does this mean I have to please her as well? At any rate as long as she can lay there for a few minutes with out crying too much its fine, although sometimes I enjoy the crying.

4) Looks - Some men prefer tits, nothing like a great big pair of tits or a hand full of perky perfection to ease the mind, some guys like a nice fat ass nothing like slapping an ass and feeling the way that pussy tightens around your cock, but for me the main thing I look for is a pulse. To me anything with a pulse is acceptable, I am not picky as long as the skin is to not too blue, just like that old song my bro would sing, "I'll even eat the chicken if the sauce is not too blue!"

5) Sense of Humor - I don't care if she even talks. A wise man once taught me a prayer. It went like this: Dear Lord please bless me with a blind mute nymphomanic that has a bass boat.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Your Heart's Desire

So many of us, if we had the chance, would do things over in our lives. We find ourselves wishing that things were different, or wishing we could change things to better suit our personal needs. So my question to you today: If you were granted just one wish, what would it be? Would you change a decision you've made? Personal appearance? Financial security? If you were granted that wish, the one that would fulfill your heart's desire, what would you choose? This can be as serious or light-hearted as you want to make it, and there is no wishing for more wishes!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Roe v Wade For Beasts


This week, Beauty vs. The Beast takes a look at a controversial subject. The National Center for Men has recently filed suit in behalf of 25 year old Michigan man, Matt Dubay. The lawsuit has become known as Roe v Wade for Men. My question to the Beauty and The Beast was this: If a pregnant woman can choose abortion to opt out of an unwanted pregnancy than should a man have the ability to opt out of the financial responsibilities of an unwanted pregnancy?

This post is full of M's as Metal Mark and Mimi give their take on this controversial subject.

He said: Oh, goodness, it's a serious one and I feel the need to address this issue seriously. No, I don't think a man should have the ability to opt out of the financial responsibilities of an unwanted pregnancy. Maybe I am oversimplifying the matter, but I am trying to just concentrate on the one question. I don't feel that a man should be able to get out of this and much of the reason relies on the fact that there so many ways to keep from getting into this situation. It takes two to tango, my friend. If you have sex then you risk getting a woman pregnant. I know that in this specific case that the women assured the man that she couldn't get pregnant, but there's always exceptions and you have be prepared for that. There is a risk and a responsibility involved here and my feeling is they go hand in hand. If you take the risk of having sex and she gets pregnant then you take the responsibility.

This lawsuit is trying to get rid of the responsibility part. However this is not a business deal, it shouldn't be treated like a negotiation for a contract by saying what you do and don't want. This is the way bodies work, you have sex then the woman might have a baby. That concept was pretty much fully in place long before a legal system was established. I understand that not all men want children, but this is something you should work out before the bedroom. Bringing the legal system could put an absolute answer to it then the woman's options become limited. There are already enough problems with men not paying child support that we don't need to toss another factor into the mix. I don't think we need another law in place to remove responsibility away from individuals. We have become a selfish society in many ways because we spend so much time saying what "I" want or what's best for "me". Yes, you do have to care of yourself to some extent, but there comes a time when you have to think of others and not just today, but for tomorrow as well.

She said: The man is this case has a small point (no pun intended, actually he's got big one's to try this). But he does not have the right to choose not to pay child support. This man is taking this way too far and it is sad that he is able to pursue it as far as he has. Some men may assume my opinion is because I am a woman. And women always stick together, just like we never go to the bathroom alone. We women are always willing to put our petty differences aside (such as hating another woman because she looks better in a bikini) to gang up on men as a team is how it seems to many men I am sure. However I often choose a man's side. But not in this case.

First of all this man claims that he was tricked because his girlfriend told him she was on the birthcontrol pill. Whether that is true or not, it does not matter. He should know that the birthcontrol pill is not 100% effective. The only guarantee that you won't create a unwanted pregnancy is to not have sex. If he is willing to gamble, he has to pay when the cards don't go his way. A woman could also claim she was tricked into getting pregnant. The man may have promised to pull out and didn't, some women still fall for that one. Or the man could have lied about wearing a condom or the condom could have broke. So does the woman then have the right to hand the baby over to the dad when it is born and say she didn't want it, won't raise it, or pay support? The National Center For Men would then claim men are victims forced into single parenthood. So then there is the argument that the woman can choose to have an abortion and the man can't. The woman has a way out and the man doesn't. Well yes, some may look at it that way. But I see the man's way out as not having sex in the first place. Yes, I know blue one's are painful. But not nearly as painful as a abortion, or giving birth.

This man needs to be told the simple and well known saying "If you play, you pay". Yes, maybe some men are getting the short end of the stick in this situation. But hey, now they will know how it feels.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

The Name Game


Time once more to shine the light on yourself. Have fun in the spotlight!

Your topic for today (and it is a multi-questioned topic):
1) Do you have a cute nickname for your private parts?
2) If you do, what is it and how did they get that name?
3) If you don't, what would you call them?

Thanks, Ozy, for the inspiration.