Beauties & Beaties

Monday, April 10, 2006

Rate A Mate

The last post was a very controversial subject so I thought that this post should get back to a basic issue. A great blogfriend of mine from way back and a friend of this site since it's inception, Laurie, from Stranded in Suburbia, and the most politically incorrect Beast in the Blogosphere, Crazy Dan, were given the task of rating five qualities in a potential mate, we're not talking about a simple hookup but someone you could tolerate and could tolerate you for the long haul. The five traits to rate: Financial Security, Trust, Sense of Humor, Looks, and Sexual Chemistry.

She said:
I am honored to have been asked to be a guest here at BvB by my good friend Fuzz! He has asked me to rank, in order of importance, the following traits in a man: Looks, financial security, honesty, sense of humor, and sexual chemistry. I have touched on this subject previously on my own blog, but it's a good subject, and what girl could resist being paired up with the notorious and one-of-a-kind Crazy Dan? Not me!

So without further ado, here is my list:


1. Honesty. This is a huge one for me. If you can't trust someone, if you have to question or doubt everything that they say to you, then why are you with that person? What a miserable way to live, feeling insecure all the time! In the past year, I have really learned the importance of honesty in a partner - being involved with a sociopath/pathological liar who almost ruined my life (but didn't!), made this trait numero uno for me, and made me appreciate a man who is totally honest. (Like my MT - love you, baby!) Now, I'm not talking about the little white lies we all tell to spare someone's feelings - like if I ask MT, "does my ass look fat?", what I am really looking for is reassurance that it is not fat - so a lie in that case is a good thing. For him, especially.

2. A sense of humor. I have always said, make me laugh and I will follow you anywhere! I love to laugh, and studies have shown that it is actually good for you physically. "Laughter is the best medicine" - yep, it's true. If a man can laugh at life's ironies, can find the humor in a tough situation, and laugh at himself - that is golden. I want someone who is positive, optimistic, and also has a twisted sense of humor. I want a guy who will watch Monty Python movies and the Three Stooges with me, and think they are as funny as I do. A sense of humor is also very sexy, and you have to be able to laugh in bed - sex is supposed to be fun, not all serious all the time! Which brings me to number 3...

3. Sexual chemistry. I have a feeling that this will be number one on Dan's list (ha), but for me, I need number one and two in order to get to the chemistry part. Sexual chemistry is important - very important - but it isn't everything. I suppose if all someone is looking for is a bootycall, then chemistry is all that is needed; however, if you want to make it through the long haul, a couple needs to be compatible in a lot of other ways. Because as a lot of us know, even the hottest passion between two people eventually cools with time, kids, mortgages, life... and once it does, you better have something else, something more, something deeper - or someone's going to start cheating, and then it's all over.

4. Looks. To me, looks aren't all that important. I have dated some guys that could hardly be considered handsome - some may even have been considered fugly - but they had such great personalities... they were smart, they were funny, and those were the things that made them very attractive to me. Now, don't get me wrong - I do insist on someone who bathes, isn't grossly overweight, knows how to dress, has all of his teeth, and does not have a mullet - but I think what is more important is that which is on the inside (see number 1 and 2). I've met some gorgeous guys who, once they opened their mouths to speak, turned me off completely - nice house, nobody home, as the saying goes. Good bootycall material, maybe, but that's about it. And a lot of the pretty boys are usually stuck on themselves and/or untrustworthy anyway. Or gay. If a guy takes longer than me to get ready to go somewhere, I won't be waiting around.

5. Financial security. Although I expect a man to have a job, I do not expect him to support me financially, which is why this ranks at number five for me. I don't want to depend on anyone but myself, thank you very much. Of course, like all women, I like to be wined and dined and surprised with little gifts, but in that case it's the thought that counts. I'd rather share a bottle of cheap red wine and a large pizza in front of the tv for Monday Night Football with a man that I trust and who rocks my world, rather than sharing a fancy dinner at Sweet Georgia Brown's with a rich snake that I don't trust. Sure that diamond bracelet is nice, but are you giving it to me because you just f*cked your secretary? Gimme the blue-collar real man any day of the week. I can take care of myself financially, that is why I have educated myself. A man with money is nice, but like the looks thing, it isn't everything. However, there is a flip-side to this - don't be a tightwad, either; don't bitch because I've bought my 100th pair of shoes, and do not ever tell me how to spend my money, unless you are giving me savvy investment tips.


There you have it - Laurie's Five. Of course, it takes a lot more than just those five to make a relationship work, but those are the biggies for sure.

Thanks to BvB for having me, this was fun!

He said:
What do I look for in a woman.... my cock! LOL, but seriously I look for a woman with compassion and sensitivity, one who is not a prisoner of her own neuroses and insecurities we all have them and she needs to be able to see beyond them. A woman who is interested in contributing to the world, not just racking up the dollars with her hubbie to spit out 2.5 kids and buy a nice house in the 'burbs so she can compare her children, furniture and leisure activities with the Jones's, and to focus on appearance for a second, frankly, a woman with meat on her bones, not an anorexic. Chubby is good! Wait a minute thats not how Crazy Dan talks.... those damn aliens must have brain washed me or it could have been Phred Tight Ass, at any rate here is my list.

1) Financial Security - She bettter have a fucking job and be able to support my broke ass.

2) Trust - Very important! I mean if the chick does not trust you how can you manipulate her?

3) Sexual Chemistry - This is a tricky question because of the chemistry part of it. Does this mean I have to please her as well? At any rate as long as she can lay there for a few minutes with out crying too much its fine, although sometimes I enjoy the crying.

4) Looks - Some men prefer tits, nothing like a great big pair of tits or a hand full of perky perfection to ease the mind, some guys like a nice fat ass nothing like slapping an ass and feeling the way that pussy tightens around your cock, but for me the main thing I look for is a pulse. To me anything with a pulse is acceptable, I am not picky as long as the skin is to not too blue, just like that old song my bro would sing, "I'll even eat the chicken if the sauce is not too blue!"

5) Sense of Humor - I don't care if she even talks. A wise man once taught me a prayer. It went like this: Dear Lord please bless me with a blind mute nymphomanic that has a bass boat.

20 Comments:

Blogger :P fuzzbox said...

Thanks for a great post Laurie and Crazy Dan. You both did an awesome job and thanks for responding so quickly. I appreciate it immensely.

3:57 AM  
Blogger Big D said...

Dear Lord please bless me with a blind mute nymphomanic that has a bass boat.

Amen!

5:31 AM  
Blogger Vic said...

Laurie Rocks! And I agree with her completely. She spoke well for all Beauties. I have to give Crazy Dan credit though - that prayer will have me laughing my ass off all day!

Good job guys!

5:47 AM  
Blogger Crazy Dan said...

Laurie - Good Job, but damn your a picky one, good thing I am not my heart hold love for everyone!

Fuzz - Thanks for letting me post even though the truth can scare many.

May the Lord be with everyone on this insane monday!.

6:21 AM  
Blogger Mimi said...

Laurie you did great!!!

Crazy Dan, you are hilarious. But I bet in reality your easily whipped if not already! ;)

9:02 AM  
Blogger Crazy Dan said...

thems fighting words mimi!!!

10:12 AM  
Blogger Green Eyes said...

Great job guys!

Laurie, I would have put them in the same order!

Dan, a bass boat, eh? I'd have thought that the nympho part would have been enough! lol

10:29 AM  
Blogger Laurie said...

Oh, Dan, you did not let me down... LMAO!!!

I'm not picky! ;-)

12:30 PM  
Blogger Ranea said...

Great job guys! But Dan I think you protest too much! Apparently Mimi hit the nail squarely on the head.

2:42 PM  
Anonymous Bruce said...

My success in relationships(or lack of, actually) precludes me from making any comments on this subject....

3:59 PM  
Blogger siren said...

Laurie is right on with this...honesty has to be way up there. If you can't trust the person you're with, you're doomed to fail.

8:55 PM  
Blogger Metal Mark said...

Great posts by both.

9:13 PM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

I love Laurie's points! Those would be pretty close to mine. Except I would add in "Consideration". In fact, I might even trade out some of the honesty for consideration (sometimes too much truth is bad).

Crazy Dan, you are one sick puppy. But you made me laugh hard, so I guess you got Humor going for you. And obviously, a good dollop of Honesty.

1:24 PM  
Anonymous starbender said...

Hahaaa! Crazy Dan, U R F'n CRAZY!
That was funny!
:]

5:27 PM  
Blogger David Amulet said...

Nice job, lady and gentleman (well, that's a stretch).

I have to give Laurie a nod for the write-up, but Dan wins out because (a) he made an obscure ZZ Top reference; and (b) us Beasts stick together. (It's like the way you girls always go to the bathroom together. Deal with it.)

Well done, both!!

-- david

4:47 AM  
Blogger Mojotek said...

My top five qualities:

1.) Ass
2.) Boobs
3.) Ability to do the stripper 'ass-bounce' on my dong
4.) Honesty
5.) Supply of crotchless panties

11:28 AM  
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2:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a question: Why in the hell does it matter whether I have a job, as long as I get my money legally, and don't expect the woman to support me? Almost every woman I meet asks me what I do--not what my name is, what I like and dislike, what kind of music I prefer, what my feelings about some issue are, etc. I cannot count how many women have dropped me right away, because I have no job. And if I tell them I'm on disability--which is the case--they never speak to me again! I admit we men are shallow about women's looks--but women are far more shallow about our employment status. If I get my money legally, and don't expect you to support me financially, in the least, why in the hell does my employment status matter to you, bitch?

1:30 AM  
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