Beauties & Beaties

Friday, May 19, 2006

Friday Funny

I love a good joke. Last week while blog surfing, I found this one:

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer and goes to HR. She tells them what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him. The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach and asks "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice? The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget.

Now it's your turn to tell me something funny :) Have a great weekend everyone!


Blogger Curare_Z said...

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he
could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor. He gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests, then
concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you. On
your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some
grapes and some doughnuts."

"Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across
the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's 'love canal'. Then, on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue."

"Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his
'love pole'. Then, like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut."

The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should
see the good doctor.

The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them. He conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests.

Then he told the Greens the bad news. "I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be. I cannot help."

The Greens pleaded with him, and said, "You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please help us."

"Well, all right", the doctor said. "On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of Cheerios..."

6:25 AM  
Blogger Ranea said...

A little boy and girl eat lunch at school together everyday. They both bring chicken sandwiches everyday.
One day the girl brings a ham sandwich. The boy asked what's wrong don't you like chicken anymore? The girl replies I love it but I can't eat it anymore. I am growing feathers. The boy says let me see. The girl lifts her dress and pulls down her panties. The boy, shocked says you are! A couple of months later the boy brings a ham sandwich for lunch. The girl asked what's wrong, don't you like chicken anymore? The boy says I love it. But I am growing feathers too. The girl say let me see. He pulls down his pants and undies. The girls says oh it's to late for you. You've already got the neck and gizzards!

6:41 AM  
Blogger oldfartswife said...

The old fart gets home late one night and his wife says, "Where in the hell have you been?"
The old fart replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in dismay.
"Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"

"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."

The old fart is currently recovering in room 232 at Community Hospital.

7:30 AM  
Blogger oldfartswife said...

I forgot to tell ya'll, what a laugh I got from reading the great jokes.
Good day for some humor.

7:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laugh! Hope this one is new to you:

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers.

The children began to say:

Finally the teacher gave them all honey lifesavers. After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste. "Well", The teacher said, "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father." One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled , "OH MY GOD!!! THEY'RE ASSHOLES!"

8:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

These jokes are hilarious!! I definitely needed this :)

10:27 AM  
Blogger angel, jr. said...

Have a great weekend Siren!!

1:14 PM  
Blogger Pixie said...

LMAO, but the minds gone blank of any jokes ;)

4:46 PM  
Anonymous Bruce said...

There once was a woman from Nantucket... ;)

9:39 PM  
Blogger Blonde Vigilante said...

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter.

One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".

The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."

The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

10:35 AM  
Blogger The Valley Girl Philosopher said...

Wanta know how it can smell so nice and stuff? It's all about our (valley girls and maybe a few other awesome chicks) totally mystical connection to Mother Nature. That's why we groom our plots to be like the rugged yet beautiful fields of Mother Nature: an ideal spot to settle down and have a picnic lunch. Happy eating!

7:47 AM  
Anonymous mojotek said...

Hahaha! That was actually quite funny!

1:06 PM  
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3:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where did you find it? Interesting read »

12:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mark, an expressive little guy, sat, listening attentively to his elementary teacher. She held up a picture of a buck's head, with antlers, and asked the class what it was. Mark raised his hand, saying "I know, I know!"

The teacher said, "Let's allow someone else to answer, this time, Mark." And she moved the picture, back and forth, "Does anyone else know what this is?" Mark raised his hand again, and said, "I know, I know!"

This time she simply ignored him. "Let me give you a hint, even though it's not spelled the same, it sounds like a word your mother calls your father, alot."

"Oh yeah, I really know, I really know this one!" shouted Mark, his hand raised as high as possible.

The teacher sighed, and finally said, "Alright, Mark, what is it?"

He sat up, proudly, and announced, "It's a horny bastard!"

6:09 PM  

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