Beauties & Beaties

Monday, May 15, 2006

Love Is In The Air: I Smell Sex And Candy

This week finds The Beauty, Green Eyes, returning for her second guest post on this site and myself, Fuzz, once again spewing my Beastly musings on the topic of the day, " What are the top three attributes of a great lover."

He said: What's a beast looking for in a great lover. Most beasts aren't the most particular of creatures when it comes to finding a sex partner. There are a few things that make a great lover and that is where the big score comes in.

1) A great lover is willing. Willing to make love, willing to make love in weird, wild, and wonderful ways, and willing to make love with your nasty ass.

2) A great lover understands the art of preparation. A great lover will not just break over like a shotgun and say, ' Get after it Big Boy. ' Although that is nice in it's own way to be truly great, a lover must understand the art of seduction. Nothing makes it better during if beforehand your lover does things that really makes the sticker peck up before the act. Playful flirtations, deep sensuous kisses, gentle massages, provocative lingerie; These are but a few examples of how a lover can really get her Beast standing at attention, that and the ability to suck a golfball through a garden hose.

3) A great lover understands that it is also the little gentle caring things that are done after a great round of lovemaking that really make it memorable. Lighting your cigarette, bringing you a cold glass of ice water, and sleeping on the wet spot so you don't have to; These are a few of a Beast's favorite things.

She said: When Fuzz gave me this topic, I laughed. Three? That's all I get? I came up with a lot more than three attributes for a great lover! So, I had to narrow it down some. Ok, I had to narrow it down a lot, but figured that most of them could fall under these top three attributes that I've listed below.

First off, they have got to be a decent kisser. There;s nothing hotter than a man that can kiss. If you've had the horror of experiencing a bad kisser, you will know that the nightmares stay with you forever! So, for me, no slobber, please, don't gnaw on my lips until you have broken the skin, and whatever you do, don't gag me with your tongue!

Second attribute is chemistry. Mutual chemistry is really what we are looking for here. If you have chemistry, then stamina, spontaneity and just plain hot sex should follow. Who wants to make love to a cold, dead fish? Or make love to a guy that only lasts 10 minutes, if that? There are those wham, bam, thank you Ma'am, breeds that need to be avoided at all costs! Chemistry should eliminate these worries.

My third attribute is unselfishness. I am a giver, not a taker, and being with a guy that is also a giver is always exciting. There's nothing better than trying to outdo the other with pleasure. Unselfish lovers are romantic, too, and usually up for trying anything, at least once.

So there's my list! I should add that I am presently accepting applications for "Great Lover" and you can forward your resume with stats to my email address. But, only if you can meet the attributes listed above! *wink*


Blogger Pixie said...

I agree selfish lovers are the pits.

3:54 PM  
Blogger angel, jr. said...

I agree with the beauty's third attribute---the beauty must be a giver!!!Fuzz, you forgot the girl must be a giver, unless you had it under the umbrella of she must be willing to do it in wildly and willingly.

3:59 PM  
Blogger Ranea said...

I am not sleeping in the wet spot for anyone!
And the Beast better be prepared to give as well as he gets *wink, wink*

4:35 PM  
Blogger David Amulet said...

I think the first attribute is being named "David." The rest is all icing on the proverbial cake.

--- david

5:01 PM  
Blogger erika said...

I agree with Green Eyes if there is nothing in the kiss there will be nothing eles.

6:19 PM  
Blogger TequilaGuy said...

You crack me up!

6:25 PM  
Blogger Curare_Z said...

You know, Fuzz, a Beauty wouldn't mind it if her Beast could suck a golf ball through a garden hose either. ;-) Just listen to Green Eyes...don't do it to our face.

5:08 AM  
Blogger Green Eyes said...

Fuzz, great job! But, I'm with Ranea, I sleep in the wet spot for NO ONE! lol

6:49 AM  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

good topic. I agree - chemistry is a must, combined with confidence (see David's comment)and it should turn out great. Plus, equal or close skill levels helps out a lot.

7:05 AM  
Blogger Big D said...

Three attributes.

3. A willingness to have sleep with me.

2. I prefer my partner to be in a conscious state. I'm old fashioned like that.

1. A pulse. That is very important.

9:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love this topic! You both had great lists.

Fuzz, I love how you mentioned sleeping on the wet spot! LMAO!

10:22 AM  
Anonymous Bruce said...

As long as she doesn't go running and screaming when she sees me, that's all I care about.

3:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great post, Fuzz and Green Eyes!

6:26 PM  
Blogger oldfartswife said...

Great posts from both.
Sloppy kisser means a sloppy lover, in my opinion.
Foreplay from both sides makes for
a great buildup. Oral sex, can't say enough about that!
I may be older, over 50(yeah granny age) but having a great lover puts me in such a great mood!
Green eyes: the old fart thanks you for all the "reading" I have been doing on your blog. VERY stimulating girl!

9:12 AM  
Blogger Green Eyes said...

Wife, you're very welcome!

12:52 PM  
Blogger Mojotek said...

"willing to make love with your nasty ass."
"the ability to suck a golfball through a garden hose."

Ahhh... both very important factors! But actually both writers had very accurate descriptions. But I would agree that chemistry just has to be there, or the sex just isn't going to be anything special.

12:53 PM  
Blogger Blonde Vigilante said...

Can you find the clit?

1:23 PM  
Blogger :P fuzzbox said...

With my tongue tied in a knot!

4:11 AM  
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Blogger Gabe said...

u still accepting applications? i know a lot of guys who are willing to give it a shot and they're waiting for your initial interview at webdate_dot_com.

4:09 AM  
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