Beauties & Beaties

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The Numbers Don't Lie...Or Maybe They Do?

There comes that time in every relationship where the dreaded question might be asked. I don't mean a proposal or asking your significant other if your butt looks big in those pants. I mean, the "how many before me" question. We posed this question to fellow bloggers Big D and Vic, and here is their take on whether it's OK to ask the question of your significant other, and if asked, should you lie about it?

She Says: In this day and age I think its very important to be upfront and honest with your significant other about your sexual history. I mean, getting knocked up isn't the worst thing that can happen you know. You can get things penicillin won't cure. And so, you should be very honest no matter what the cost. If you really love this person, there should be no secrets.

There's nothing quite like the truth to strengthen a relationship after all. I assume you wonder how this conversation went with Hubby and me. Ok, here goes…..are you freakin' kidding me? We haven't had that talk. EVER! He hasn't asked and I ain't volunteered – and we've been married 15 years. Uh huh. I'm a chic in the deep south. It's well documented that I was a whore in high school, but I wore white on my wedding day and by God, that means something. Means I am never telling. My non-virgin lips are sealed!

I don't care who Hubby's done and would lie if he asked me. I think a man appreciates a woman that has experience, but denies it. I'm sticking to that.

And ladies if you happen to ever get backed into that corner, my advice is simple…lie like me…just like you did with all those other callers. Don't get me wrong, you can't say you're a virgin if you're not. What you should do is keep it to a number under 5. Make sure all your fellas fit on one hand of counting and quickly throw in that you saved the best for last and oh by the way, he has the biggest, best package and no matter what no one will ever compare, ever. Course after him you would never want to do anyone else. Yes, you'd settle for a life of celibacy if you had to give up bending over for him. That will do it. And if it doesn't, then throw in a few tears about how you regret all the others and wish you'd "saved yourself" for him.

Oh, and just for the record, I'm just talking trash. All of mine will fit on one hand and the last one was the best and all that. Really. And, please be safe. There really are things penicillin won't cure. You can't be too safe.

He Says: The topic is, "the question"...the one about how many others there have been before your current significant other. First, is it OK to ask that question and Secondly, if it is asked should you lie about it?

I think this question is: How many women or men have you fucked before me? It is OK to ask this question, but it really shouldn't matter. It shouldn't make any difference by now if they're your significant other already you've already slept with them. Get over it. However, if you decide to ask this question be prepared for the truth. When answering this question I don't really see the point in lying. Sure it's easier., but don't be a lazy fucking prick or bitch tell them the truth. They deserves the truth. If they weren't prepared for it, then they shouldn't have asked. I don't want to hurt them, a little lie won't matter. I don't care if you've fucked half the population of Vegas as a former sex worker. You made that choice, it is a part of you. Your partner deserves the truth. If they can't accept whatever answer you give then they are not worth it anyway. If you asked and can't accept your partners answer you need to get over yourself and be prepared to go fuck yourself. That's exactly what you're going to be doing.

However saying all that, if you have:

  • Never slept with anyone.
  • Slept with an entire sport team.
  • Done a gang bang with over 20 people.
  • Been a prostitute
Tell you BF/GF before you sleep with them. It's only considerate and safe.
I don't sugar coat shit, that's just the way it is.


Blogger Siren said...

Great job by both sides! I have to agree in that if you're going to ask, you better be prepared to accept the answer.

8:11 PM  
Blogger :P fuzzbox said...

I have always tried to be brutally honest with this question. But as time rolls on I think that in hindsight I should have used the army intelligence of don't ask don't tell.

4:32 AM  
Blogger phred said...

I agree with Fuzz.. Don`t ask - don`t tell is the Best way to handle this.

IF you do ask, you are asking for trouble.

4:59 AM  
Blogger Curare_Z said...

Great job you two! I agree with you both!

Big D: The image of shit sugar coated had me laughing out loud.

Vic: LIAR!!! ;-) (But I'm with you on that point!)

6:16 AM  
Blogger Ranea said...

Honesty is the best policy. But most people don't want to hear the truth. So why ask?

6:45 AM  
Anonymous mojotek said...

I agree. Either it's "don't ask, don't tell", or if the question is actually asked, you should definitely tell the truth.

If you lie, then you're a bitch/asshole. But if you tell the truth, and they accept you still, then you're WAY better off than you were before. If they can't accept it, then at least you know that now rather than later.

But if you lie, and the other person finds out later... then you brought whatever reaction they have all on yourself!

8:51 AM  
Blogger Bruce said...

Why does Jack Nicholson's character in A Few Good Men come to mind here?

9:17 AM  
Blogger Metal Mark said...

I think you should be honest and upfront about it.

9:25 AM  
Blogger Green Eyes said...

I don't have any desire to know the answer to that question, nor do I have any desire to answer it.

This question was good, you both did great!

10:32 AM  
Blogger Crazy Dan said...

All you crackheads saying Honesty is this best answer are lying motherfuckers. Ever relationship where I had to cuddle for at least 5 minutes I got asked that questioned. Not one person wants to hear that your chasing Wilt Chamberlan to be the all time pimp. So I have always lied and said this is just my second time. I dont care who it is or if I just had sex with her two sisters the answer is always this is my second time.

7:04 PM  
Blogger oldfartswife said...

I think asking-is aking for trouble. Two or twenty, still is not so safe today.
In my day, "most girls" saved themselves and just gave blow jobs. Now days that is just as dangerous for disease. I wonder if you aked how many people have you gone down on would be the same?
I enjoy this blog, you guys rock.

5:15 AM  
Blogger Blonde Vigilante said...

I never ask that question for the same reason I don't go snooping through my man's stuff. I don't want to know and I don't want to find anything from his past that will upset me. I know he's been with other people and I know that it being thrown in my face is difficult to deal with for me. So, I don't go there.

I haven't been asked that question for years and quite honestly...I don't I couldn't answer it. I think if I knew the number it would freak me out too.

If you've taken an STD test and an HIV test, then your shit is clean and you might as well be a virgin. So, get it up and get it on and don't worry about the rest.

Big D, you crack me the fuck up!

8:08 AM  
Blogger angel, jr. said...

I don't think those numbers count really. I would want to know how many people she was in love with before. That number may be more threatening to me than anything else.

8:31 AM  
Blogger Pixie said...

I havent asked, because I dont want to know. I am an insecure type of person at the best of times and I would think about it too much.

I think the main question partners should be asking should be more concerned with "safe sex" You could have slept with 20 women but wore a comdom everytime or slept with two strangers with no protection. Who would be the safer bet ?

Gret job both of ya!

12:03 PM  
Anonymous RN lady said...

The greater the number of sexual partners, the greater odds are of being exposed to disease.

Condoms help, but not always.

HPV virus, for example, is easily tranmissable and is the most comon VD that passed around. HPV causes gential warts and is often undetected. You can get them in your "area" and transmit it through simple contact.

Women can get HPV and not even know it. The scary thing is, there are several forms of HPV that cause cervical cancer. Many ladies have no idea they have HPV until they start getting a bunch of abnormal paps.

It's scary, but my boyfriend's sister was diagnosed with cervical cancer a year ago...and she got it from the HPV virus. She always used a condom, but it didn't help.

3:49 PM  
Blogger BrettBum said...

I've never been afraid to ask, tell nor hear the answer.

Not everyone is comfortable with themselves and some are not comfortable with their partners or both, so I think this is one of those things that really depends on you. If your in doubt, don't shout it out. If you not talk about it how and when you like.

We're long past the free love days of the 60's and RN Lady's facts are true, but the HP Virus has been around for thousands if not millions of years. Everyone old enough to read this blog has or likely will be exposed to it some will get lucky but it does spread easily. The virus all by its lonesome won't kill you, but it does increase the chances of cervical cancer, benign growths in the cervix, mis-carriages and more. Its serious, but the point is that if you are having sex its out there and spread much further and wider than HIV or any other STD.

In case you caught the news lately, this is the same virus that they now have a vacine for, for those old enough to read this, its probably too late. But for small girls and girls yet to be born, there's a lot of hope.

Bottom line the sky is not falling, but trying to compete in the world's longest train (on either giving or receiving side) is not going to help your chances. This is not typically something that's tested for nor reported to the CDC like herpes or syphillis or gonoreah(sp?) etc.

So your shit may be clean, but may not be as clean as you think!

thanks Brett

Before I Loose the Goof

9:45 PM  
Blogger David Amulet said...

Don't ask makes sense, but if so honesty is the best answer. Otherwise you have to remember the lies.

-- david

6:12 AM  
Blogger RT said...

At my age, I would never ask, because I really don't care. And even if they volunteered 100, I wouldn't give it a second thought. (My record isn't that friggin' good!)

But it only takes one to pass on something you don't want.

Always take measures to protect yourself, just in case.

8:18 PM  
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Anonymous Anonymous said...


Info from my gyno:

In the United States, 80% of women will have had HPV by the time they turn 50. My mom has had it, her sisters have had it, my cousins have had it, my brother's gf has had it... it's so common. Any abnormal pap indicates presence of HPV.

The best defense against cervical cancer is to get your pap smear done on a regular basis. As someone pointed out, you can get it even with a condom because it resides in the mucus membranes of the body--inside the penis, vulva, vagina, cervix, throat, etc. There are over 100 HPV viruses, only 4 cause abnormal cells in the cervix, only 2 cause genetal warts (and those are not common at all). The rest cause your everyday wart on your hand or foot.

Once you clear HPV from your system, that means you have developed antibodies and that species of the virus is no longer a threat to your cervix, but you can still potentially pass it on to future partners because the virus may still inhabit the mucus membranes (benignly).

If you have only been exposed to one species of the virus, you can still get vaccinated against the others and be fully protected against a new infection.

Men have no symptoms of the HPV viruses that cause abnormal cells in the cervix and there is currently no way to test them, aside from a DNA test which is expensive and rarely done.

They know HPV is passed through sexual contact, but suspect that it can also be passed on through birth (obviously living in the womb might do that to you). So female, male, can be born with it.

It is not dangerous to men, they will not even know they have it, so won't know if they pass it on. STD tests for men do not test for HPV, and the only way to test for HPV is a pap smear in women. If the pap comes back normal, that does not mean that you are HPV free--just that you don't have abnormal cells.

Cervical cancer is one of the slowest growing cancers out there. It will take at least four years to develop into something dangerous. Most HPV infections clear on their own and then are gone and never come back if you have a healthy immune system. So if you get cervical cancer, you are not seeing your gyno often enough. Please do!!

It is estimated that fully 70% of people in the U.S. aged 20-25 have HPV.

Bottom line: unless you are being abstinate forever, you will most likely contract HPV.

However, with the vaccine they hope to eliminate the virus within the next decade. They are currently developing a vaccine for men as well.

So, women, get your pap smears to detect early changes in your cervix, and otherwise don't worry about it because there is not much you can do. There is no reason to scare yourself into celibacy. Even the "cleanest" guy or gal has most likely been exposed at some point.

HPV is a fact of life, make pap smears a fact of yours too! It's really the best defense against cervical cancer. Also, make an appointment to get the vaccine!

P.S. I would suggest, if you had had abnormal cells and are considering sleeping with someone new that you really care about, you let them know all these things, and then tell them if they plan on sleeping with anyone else to make sure they get vaccinated first. Then we can slowly begin to eliminate the threat of cervical cancer.

12:10 PM  
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