That's What I Hate About You
After a bit of a gushy post last week, I decided to mix things up a little bit. The question for this week's topic is: What are three traits shared by a majority of the opposite sex that has a tendency to piss you off the most.
On such a charged topic, I needed two bloggers that weren't afraid to tell it like it is and not be afraid to color their speech. For the Beast, I bring you an old friend of mine from wordpress, the not quite ready for prime time, Pure Evyl. For the Beauty, I bring you the always opinionated, Dr. Pepper swilling, Yellowdog Granny.
Once again it's ladies first. So let 'er rip!!!
She said: Fuzz has asked me to do a post on three traits that men have in common that piss me off. I jumped at the chance...then I gave it some serious thought.....(first sign of trouble...... thinking) and you know what? I don't think I have the right to judge men..Why? I haven't had a relationship with a man in 21 years.. what the hell do I know about men...21 years ago the only thing about men that interested me was if he wanted to watch sports, drink beer and fuck afterwards.
Conversation wasn't a top priority. If I could out drink you and you could out fuck me...you were in...There were certain considerations that were important..you had to be a lefty(as in politics) and you had to be a Cowboy fan. No married men...had to be hygenic and have most or all of your teeth. I preferred non-smokers but as long as you didn't blow the smoke in my face or up my ass, I could deal with it.
Male chauvinist's usually weren't interested in me nor I them...They were the one's that if you told them no, they assumed you were a lesbian and would tell all their friends that you were a dyke and to not bother..Those were usually the ones that I would tell:"I wouldn't fuck you with someone else's pussy."...that tended to 'piss them off'and was sure to get my name written on the men's bathroom wall along side 'fucking dyke'...those kind of men do tend to piss me off...
And well, now that I have thought about it..men who talk to my breasts tend to piss me off too...They are usually the ones who continually keep 'accidentally' bumping my tits with their arm, elbow, chest, hand and face. These same men are the ones who think the bigger your tits the dumber you are..they don't seem to understand that you really can see them nudge your buddy, snicker and point at your tits and that you have picked up a long neck Lone Star and are fixing to give him an attitude adjustment up side his head.So maybe there are things about men that piss me off..
Men that assume because I am a woman I can't fix my own car, do my own repairs around the house and don't need them to pump my gas...When I taught my sons how to work on their cars, I also did the same with my daughter when she got her car..I told her we were going to learn how to change the oil, the tires and plugs.She whined...'but that's boys work'...I asked her:"Have you ever seen a man work on a car?"..she said 'yes.'..."At any time, while he was working on his car did he ever take out his dick and use it?"she said:"euwwwwww, that's gross mom, but no..I never did."..."well then, until you actually see a man whip out his dick and use it to take out a spark plug, anything a man can do ...you can do.You don't need a dick to change your oil."
So that pretty much are the things about men that piss me off...but if you're interested in watching some football and have some free time on your hands....come to West, Texas...I have such a deal for you.
He said: After deleting about about umpteen dozen things that women do that piss me off, I distilled it down to three main items.
Women just don't think right: Men think like Joe Friday. Give us the facts and we will sort out problems in a clear, concise, logical means. This idea is totally alien to most women. No they want to empathize, emotionalize, rationalize, and most of all think of how this relates to them on some psychic bullshit level.
This is why it is impossible to argue with a woman. They will ignore the facts of the argument and instead delve into your motivations and innermost feelings. Here is some news gals. We don't have motivations and psyches. If you want us to abandon an argument, then here is a better solution. Rather than delving into our innermost feelings, just flash us your tits. We will concede you the victory every single damn time.
Quit Moving My Shit: I don't know why but something about having a pair of tits makes every woman think that they are a fucking interior designer in quest of the perfect room. There is absolutely no damned reason to keep moving that ugly ass couch around the room like some warped game of 'bang your fucking shin on the coffee table again this week dumbass.'
I have come to the understanding that one of the main reasons that women move men's shit around after they move in, is purely defensive. If they make it so hard for you to find your shit, then you can't leave. It would take far too long to find all of your shit to make a clean getaway.
Dressing Like A Construction Worker's Wet Dream But Acting Like a Jr. High Virgin: Women if you go out wearing a pair of pants that are so damned tight that you must think that I am deaf because I can read your damned lips and a low cut top and a push up bra that causes your tits to defy the law of gravity, then for Christ's sake don't act like a fucking vestal virgin when some poor shmuck stares at your tits.
Stick a tit in my face and I am going to give it a good look every damn time. Hell, stick it out there for a little bit and I might do more than fucking look. Same goes for an ass or any other female body part and if you are over the age of 25 and wearing a midriff shirt with a belly button ring then don't blame me for thinking that you remind me of nine out of ten porn actresses. If you don't like it then cover your shit up with a burkha or a barrel or God forbid some sensible fucking clothes.