|Beauties & Beaties
A Family Affair
Recently, an unmarried couple (with children) in the St. Louis area made national news when the city they lived in refused to grant them an occupancy permit. Why? Because the couple did not qualify under a city ordinance
that defines "family".The ordinance says, in effect, that Olivia Sheltrack and Fondrey Loving, and their three children, should not be living together in the same house because the two are not married. (Source: KSDK)
The couple took the issue to the city council, who upheld the ordinance by a 5-3 vote.
The question is: Should this unmarried couple with children be less entilted to the same rights extended to those in a "traditional" family. I'll try do my best as Bruce
weighs in with his Beastly debut!He Says
: The issue before us, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is whether or not unmarried couples have fewer rights than married couples. The simple answer is yes; whether it's right or wrong is the real question here. Even common-law marriages come out on the short end of the stick; only nine states, and the District of Columbia, recognize common-law marriages, and four others have some sort of limited statute.
The town of Black Jack, Missouri says it's occupancy statute is on the books to help alleviate "overcrowding" in single family homes. Bullshit. The statute is there to legislate their own morality on the residents of Black Jack, and they're not the only ones playing Big Brother these days. Couples "living in sin" are often looked at as degenerates and undeserving of the same rights as legally married couples. Does a piece of paper really mean that much? Should it?
Personally, I don't think so, but then again, I'm a bit jaded because of where I live, and what I've seen and heard from the so-called moral right.
This is not 1620 and the time of the Puritans. It's the 21st century, people, and we are supposed to be an advanced and free society. If my lady and I were living together, and we went out and bought a house, what difference does it make whether we're married or not? Would the city be afraid that we were going to disturb the peace in the neighborhood by throwing wild parties and having endless orgies, just because we aren't married(not that that doesn't sound enticing, but that's for another day)? It all boils down to one thing; trying to legislate morality. And I'll be damned if some sanctimonious, self-righteous group of old farts are going to tell me how to live my life.She Says :
The question being posed here is whether or not the unmarried couple with children has less rights than those residents with children that are married. Skirting the issue a bit, I would say as parents, they have equal rights; regardless of marital status, a parent is a parent and should be treated as such. Unfortunately, this is not a parenting issue. As an unmarried couple...it's clear that they do not have the same benefits as those that are married, and that is simply due to a choice that they have made.
I understand that marriage isn't what it used to be. Almost anyone can get married (I said almost; we'll save that topic for later). Making that commitment entitles you to certain rights, including taxes and divorce attorneys. It entitles you to be designated, in this instance, as "family". So it's natural to assume that married couples would be entitled to somewhat more; they've made that commitment and they are legally bound to one another.
I had the initial reaction to this story that many people had. I was outraged. The absurdity of this city council, the audacity of this small-minded community to actually deny this couple, a family in spirit if not in ordinance, the right to dwell in their crappy little town.
What it boils down to in this particular instance, though, was a zoning ordinance. The city put a safeguard in place for single family residences to prevent multiple people congregating in a household. In essence, there were too many "unrelated" people living in the house together. This is something the city has put in place to protect their citizens and property owners. It wasn't meant to single out unmarried couples, but because of the nature of their relationship, they fall into the same category as strangers. There is nothing legally or biologically binding the two people together in any sort of relationship.
So, all they have to do is get married and I believe the problem is solved. And maybe they don't want to get married; that's their decision. That also means they need to find a different place to live. If the couple wants to be pissed at somebody, they should be pissed at their real estate agent for not understanding the city ordinances.
I don't believe this is some sort of moral policing in any way. It's unfortunate for the couple, but they can make the decision to do what it would take to stay, or do what they've always done and leave. There have to be laws, ordinances and rules. And they have to be willing to make a decison and accept the consequences.
I love a good joke. Last week while blog surfing, I found this one:
A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer and goes to HR. She tells them what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him. The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach and asks "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice? The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget.
Now it's your turn to tell me something funny :) Have a great weekend everyone!
Love Is In The Air: I Smell Sex And Candy
This week finds The Beauty, Green Eyes
, returning for her second guest post on this site and myself, Fuzz
, once again spewing my Beastly musings on the topic of the day, " What are the top three attributes of a great lover."
He said: What's a beast looking for in a great lover. Most beasts aren't the most particular of creatures when it comes to finding a sex partner. There are a few things that make a great lover and that is where the big score comes in.
1) A great lover is willing. Willing to make love, willing to make love in weird, wild, and wonderful ways, and willing to make love with your nasty ass.
2) A great lover understands the art of preparation. A great lover will not just break over like a shotgun and say, ' Get after it Big Boy. ' Although that is nice in it's own way to be truly great, a lover must understand the art of seduction. Nothing makes it better during if beforehand your lover does things that really makes the sticker peck up before the act. Playful flirtations, deep sensuous kisses, gentle massages, provocative lingerie; These are but a few examples of how a lover can really get her Beast standing at attention, that and the ability to suck a golfball through a garden hose.
3) A great lover understands that it is also the little gentle caring things that are done after a great round of lovemaking that really make it memorable. Lighting your cigarette, bringing you a cold glass of ice water, and sleeping on the wet spot so you don't have to; These are a few of a Beast's favorite things.
She said: When Fuzz gave me this topic, I laughed. Three? That's all I get? I came up with a lot more than three attributes for a great lover! So, I had to narrow it down some. Ok, I had to narrow it down a lot, but figured that most of them could fall under these top three attributes that I've listed below.
First off, they have got to be a decent kisser. There;s nothing hotter than a man that can kiss. If you've had the horror of experiencing a bad kisser, you will know that the nightmares stay with you forever! So, for me, no slobber, please, don't gnaw on my lips until you have broken the skin, and whatever you do, don't gag me with your tongue!
Second attribute is chemistry. Mutual chemistry is really what we are looking for here. If you have chemistry, then stamina, spontaneity and just plain hot sex should follow. Who wants to make love to a cold, dead fish? Or make love to a guy that only lasts 10 minutes, if that? There are those wham, bam, thank you Ma'am, breeds that need to be avoided at all costs! Chemistry should eliminate these worries.
My third attribute is unselfishness. I am a giver, not a taker, and being with a guy that is also a giver is always exciting. There's nothing better than trying to outdo the other with pleasure. Unselfish lovers are romantic, too, and usually up for trying anything, at least once.
So there's my list! I should add that I am presently accepting applications for "Great Lover" and you can forward your resume with stats to my email address. But, only if you can meet the attributes listed above! *wink*
I was recently having a conversation with my brother. We were talking about the subject of offensive words. I am of the opinion that not many words in and of themselves offend people anymore. The world seems to me a place where vulgarity has become commonplace and it is becoming increasingly difficult to shock or offend anyone with a curseword. We are far removed from the days of the Puritans and the days where a curse word would be a cause for punishment and ostracism. My question to you is this: Is there any word that still has the ability to shock or offend you? If so what is it and why?
Intimacy and Fantasy
We received this topic courtesy of Angel Jr. and the question was: Is it over OK to fantasize about another person while being intimate with your significant other or spouse. First time Beast, Angel Jr
., and our perennial favorite Beauty, The Weirdgirl
, look at the etiquette of fantasies.She Says
: Is it ever OK to fantasize about someone else while kissing or having sex with your significant other/spouse?
I think most people expect the female response to this question to be a resounding "NO!" (similar in response to the question "is it OK to look but not touch?" or, in other words, is it OK for my boyfriend to look at other girls?). However, the truth is a little more complicated. Fantasizing about other people is a guilty little pleasure that women practice just as much as men. Most folks rationale these fantasies by never talking about them (also called plausible deniability) or by choosing a celebrity as the object of their daydreams (because someone there’s no chance in hell of you ever hooking up with is OK, right?). Most feel like it’s wrong to have fantasies of people outside their relationship but they have them anyway.
However fantasies are completely natural, even healthy, and here’s why. Many are the relationships that start to lag in the bedroom as time goes on. It has nothing to do wit
h love fading, but it has everything to do with the fact that as our bodies get older and as other stresses weigh on our lives it might get a little harder (ahem) to keep things up (cough) and at the ready for forays into passion. Sometimes fantasies about other people help get things moving (or finishing, as the case may be). As many experts will tell you, fantasies help "spice things up." Also known as, I’ve looked at your butt for 20 years and I’m a little bored of the view. Again, this has nothing to do with love. But let’s face it, say you had to look at the same wall for 20 years, it could be the spiffiest wall ever, sooner or later you’ll want to slap up a picture just to spruce it up. That’s not re-painting, that’s not changing the wallpaper, it’s just adding a little something.
However there are quite a few women out there who are sensitive about this issue. Again, see the "look but not touch" scenario. They feel like if their man is having fantasies about someone else then he’s only a few steps away from leaving. Their knee jerk reaction is to then freak out if they know their guy has the hots for any celebrities, their sister, or that sexy-looking sheep at the local farm. If anything, fantasy can actually be healthy for the relationship if it’s enjoyed by both parties, but it needs to be introduced the right way.
Here’s a few simple rules:
- DO talk dirty – making fantasy time into something you both participate in legitimizes the smut that’s in your twisted brain. This is also a good way to make it about your partner before you introduce alternate characters.
- DO talk about your fantasy – again legitimacy through participation.
- DO start with baby steps, the most benign fantasy elements first. Maybe an act before a who (again, benign elements first, i.e. licking as opposed to bondage). If at any time she starts looking disgusted or scared you’ve gone too far.
- DO encourage her to talk about her fantasies. Remember, reciprocity, just like with oral sex, is key here.
- DON’T freak out if she does talk about her fantasies.
- DON’T scream out your fantasy object’s name – especially if you haven’t had the talk yet, but try to avoid this one at all costs (it’s just common sense).
- DON’T start plastering pictures up of your fantasy person. Also, don’t bring home new videos, toys, or straps without your partner being completely on board. You don’t want to make her feel like there’s been a hidden kink freak lurking inside her spouse all those years without her the wiser.
- DON’T reveal that your fantasy person is her sister and/or best friend (together or separately). Even if she seems open to sharing fantasies, trust me, don’t pick anyone close to her. If need be just pick the celebrity that most closely resembles your fantasy object. Better yet, pick the celebrity that most closely resembles your partner.
- In the event that she brings up her sister/best friend, DON’T discourage a threesome. (I mean, we are talking about fantasies here and how many chances like that are you going to get?)
He Says: A D.J. on a local radio station posed the question "Is it alright to fantasize about someone else while kissing or being intimate with a significant other or spouse"? I didn't get to hear any caller's views, but I would have liked to call in and answer yes. The only problem was, I don't know the radio station's number and I'm not co-ordinated enough to use drive and talk on the phone at the same time.
I'm going to say yes, because even if I hadn't wanted it to in the past, I have fantasized during intimate moments. It's only natural. Besides, I'm male...I can't keep my mind on one topic for longer than a few seconds. So yes, often times, Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson but not Jessica Lange will enter my mind. And this doesn't mean I love her less, it just means thatI believe she has the capability to become as sexy as these sex symbols. It may also mean that I believe her body feels the way I imagine theirs would feel too.
Some women may think this is wrong. But it isn't because we need to fantasize. It is what helps keep a relationship fresh. It makes the sex better, when it has become monotonous. Sometimes it makes getting through a routine more exciting. And let's face it, we're still having sex with the ones we "love". We aren't out getting it somewhere else. This is the very reason I don't think fantasizing is cheating. We aren't putting our tongue or other body parts in other territory. We are doing exactly as our wives/girlfriends/lovers have asked us--we've kept our peckers in our pants.
And one shouldn't ask us if we fantasize, cause we do. It's just something better left unsaid--like masterbation. We all do it, we just don't bring it up at the dinner table. The reason we don't talk about it is because it isn't meant to be discussed. I'm reminded of an episode of "Friends" in which Ross finally shares his fantasy with Rachel. He says the Princess Lea being tied up by Jabba is a huge turn on. Rachel agrees to participate in this fantasy, which is ruined by Chandler's invasive fantasy of his mother appearing in his mind during inopportune sexual moments. Chandler shared his dysfunctional fantasy and Ross did too. Fantasies aren't meant to be shared--it can only ruin the fantasy. This is where the "let's not talk about it" rule should come in. We aren't meant to talk about these fantasies, we are just meant to fantasize.
So yes, it is alright to fantasize during sex/intimate moments/not so intimate moments. It helps keep one sane during the insane moments of a relationship. The only time fantasizing is wrong is when you are fantasizing about your wife/girlfriend/lover with a prostitute. Now that is just plain wrong.
Recently on The Dr. Laura Radio Show, Dr. Laura was posed a question from a 21 year old 'Erica'. 'Erica' stated that she wanted more than anything else in the world than to be a wife and mother. She wanted to know how to go about telling her dates of her desire. Dr. Laura stated that she should ask them on the first date if they were ready to be married and support a family right now.
What do you think of this advice? And if she took the Dr.'s advice do you think she got many second dates?